Bruises
A sea of bad memories drowning me
A big man abusing me
The same man humiliating me
Going to school bruised
Running away from home
Feeling better off alone
Being whipped with the cord of the phone
But never when my mother was home
Big man you were
You were even a marine
Screams, sobs, and cries
Hitting me for made up lies
I’ve never be able to look you in the eyes
Feel as if this was what I deserved
What did I know I was only eight years old
Metal hangers, the leather belt, Extension cords
Weren’t the only things you used that left welts
Your fists left the bruises
Those pains went away
Not the one’s in my heart or my mind
Now I’m thirty five
I’ve always had the question
Why so unkind
What did you have to fear from me
Did you really just hate me.
Steven Mels
Author notes
Written August 5th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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What an incredible poem. I have seen more than my share of violent, bloody, just plain gross verse about abuse on this site as well as others, and frankly, I am over it. But this piece - this piece fully expresses the pain of abuse without being abusing in and of itself. You are one brave man to put this out here. I can't say that I could do something like this, and I like to think I am not afraid of much. Anyway, to the poem: Regarding the form, I am very favorably impressed with the way you have used words that rhyme in a way that the poem itself does not seem to rhyme. IMHO, obvious or what I would call "petty" rhyming tactics would detract from the super serious content in this poem. By "petty" I mean using a turn of phrase that is hackneyed or made-up words to facilitate rhyming. I think it takes a lot, and I do mean A LOT of critical thinking to avoid this pitfall. As one of the critics said, make sure that rhyming scheme stays put. You have wonderful flow of thought, and there is a rhythm to this poem that is consistent, yet not rigid. Overall, I think this is excellent work. No wonder you won a gold trophy!
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Oh, Steven, this is terribly, sadly emotional for me. I love my children, so very dearly, with every single part of me, and I can't even imagine,.... God!, I just don't even know what to say to this! This is a terrible tragedy for a child to live. This one tore my heart out. A child is so innocent, and such a blessing to behold. And the little ones feel responsible, and don't know what they did to deserve this kind of treatment. NO child is deserving of this! If this happened to you, as a child, you were dealt a very rotten hand, to have a hand that strikes you. And now, I AM bawling my eyes out. Such a vivid picture of this from the childs own eyes. And the pain and suffering from this, is lifelong. This was very intense, and hard for me to read, through the blur of my tears. I applaud your bravery to take a stand, and share these feelings with the world. I applaud your extremely heartfelt words! This is a deeply touching poem. Sending many blessings your way.
Susan
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awe thank you much.. it was a sad poem.. and thank you for your nice words.. thank you again
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This is truly written from the depths of pure emotions. I horrible experience to have endured. Never hide the truth, and never feel you ever deserved it, no matter what he said to you. Such a heartbreaking poem.
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well done!
I too have had to endure the pain and humiliation of going to school with bruises and a bloody uniform
This poem really reached out to me because it reminded me so much of my own experience *sighs*
Best wishes in the contest,
Stacy
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I think top five of what I read in this contest.
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hey thank you much... for the read and the comment..
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wow this was good but make sure the rhyming scheme stays on terrific.
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stonelion thank you much i am glad you enjoyed this and thank you for the comment..
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Brokenpen, this is amazing. Congratulations on your win. This poem truly deserved it. It is amazing in everyway - imagery, rhyme scheme, everything. Very, very well done.
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mom thank you so much this was my frist trophy ... i am glad it was with this poem...
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EXCELLENTLY SAD!!!!!
oh, my God... I am sor very porud of you son!!!!! You go boy!!!! Kudos to you... Love, MoM -
grannyeri thank you much... the medal which i am happy about .is really nothing compared to the subject withch it was won for.. child abuse is a really bad thing an i will stand agianst it.. where i see it.. thank you
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Congratulations on winning the gold. Lovely write, so filled with emotions and depth of this issue.
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nena this is great i never thought i would win ... but this poem was hard to write and it means alot that this is my frist trophy..
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Congratulations Darling on the Gold and all the other who entered the contest. This is a life affirming poem which speaks of the truth that some of us had to go in life. I am so proud of you! Nena
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grossmutti. you could be very well right and you are not out of line.. and i belive if i was being beat . (i never saw it ) but she was also.. i am over this part of my life it seems like forever ago. but it is something i had to write. and it is somethingf i beleve happens to often.. thank you much for the comment and read ... thank you much my friend.
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Sad & Lovely
So heartbreaking and so courageous of you to speak so eloquently about your childhood. I don't know what your relationship with your father is now (I hope terminated), but I wonder about your relationship with your Mom. Did she never see and suspect? Maybe, some questions can't be answered, but I have read the largest portion of child abuse falls under the category of neglect. I can't help but think you were the innocent victim of both physical abuse and neglect. Sorry, I may be way out of line with that, it's just the feeling I got when reading your wonderful poem -
dear mystic. it is sad this happens. and worse.. well all can change it though..i hope it hurts to see this happen.people need to be educated and bout this stuff
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This is truly heartbreaking. I can't even beggining to tell you how much I can relate to this, well you do know. You emotions and feelings showed throught every line and every word. This is what most children go through their in their lives. It is very sad to see this going on now a days but it happens. I give you a standing ovation for having the courage to write and post this and even putting into a contest for everyone to see and not only to see but to reflect on it. Thank you for sharing with everyone of us this magnificent piece, one piece that came from your heart like everything you write. My heart to you dear, Nena.
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faithful. thank you much. for the read. violence is something past down... this was a boyfriend of my mother.. at the thing a huge man. one i hated with all my heart..(yes hated) a strong word. i see so much of this go on.. and it sickens me.
i was lost for a long time.. in fear and sadness.. i found my way..
i am a strong person and i know i would never do this to a child. (let alone another person) i think it is our (the worlds) responcablity to end this ... with other types of abuse .. (sexual) being another one that gets my goat.. good luck to you in your quest to end this .. bravo i say.. and thank you for your words on my poem.. -
I think to me, trying to find words to say exactly, after reading this is not only challenging but nearly impossible. They ask us to comment on every poem entered out of politness to those who entered. However, I'm not sure of what to comment. Theres nothing "constructive", nothing even the slightest bit helpful I can say about this poem. There's not really even any compliments that I can think of that might be sutiable after reading this. I find that "great write", though true, is not at all the right words to express the emotions I captured from not just reading your poem, but feeling it. "Thanks for entering," though I am thankful that you entered, I also find inappropriate. Therefore, I am left with nothing that even comes close to a "critique" to leave on this poem. I, at this point, feel anger towards your father, sympathy towards you, and an even stronger passion to proceed in my fight to stop child abuse. Thank you for that and I wish to you the best of luck,
-Faithful Dreamer -
andrew yes i have my answers now.. i had to put this down on paper at the time.. this is probalyy the hardest thing i have ever written.. emotions wise. thank you much for reading and liking this write.
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EXCELLENT+++
This is a very moving poem steve that delves on child's physical abuse I just hope that you question will be answered someday.Nevertheless,this is a beautiful work of art that is replete with imageries of physical abuse and emotions. -
Wow, I am so glad I chose to read your work. You are very talented. This was so sad the imagery disturbing. Good Job...and I'm sorry
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Great Poem
being abused my mother in the same way as a child. I can relate and you did a very good job of saying how you feel and the questioning of it all. The answer is you never deserved it. -
When I see children who I think are going through this, my heart breaks. There use to be a boys home close to here. I went to school with many young men, that came from families that abused. Problem was, the people who ran the boys home, used the same method, to control the boys. So they ended up running away from the home, only to get caught, and beat again. excellent write.
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Ah, I felt this. It hurt my heart. You evoked pain with your words. I hope all is well.
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This is a really deep angst-filled poem. Abuse has many faces and you have written of several in this piece. My heart aches for you. I truly am sorry this was your childhood. How terrible. No one ever has the right to hurt a child. I pray your scars will heal someday. Mine finally did! A very good poem. Welcome to the site! If you have any questions or if I can be of any assistance please don't hesitate to send me or any greeter an IM.
♥FifthD♥ve♥
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I'm truly sorry if you wnet through that. *HUGS* I know how that feels, only form a boyfriend. Good poem though. Vivid and interesting in a way.
Keep up the great work. -
Outstanding!
Awe Such a sad poem and so very heartbearking... Very well written poem sweetheart... Good job! -
powerful
omg! That made me cry! So powerful and sad. I'm sorry u went thorough all that!
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