Ripped open the door to her holyofholies
Dare I gaze at her covenantark
Hidden glory
Touch forbidden
Embark and return death’s far shore
A gentle caress then thrust my handsdeepinside
Praise and adore
Sip from the fabledgrail oh those with chastepurelips
Thus transforming water to wine
Drink this chalice
Lemonade pink
Divinity mine at a taste
From other cups my lips impure now sanctified
Life evermore
Stript nakedhertemple I’m longing to worship
On knees I pray at this altar
I supplicate
Masturbate please
Grant me desired-revelation
Sacred taste inspired, fleshincarnate freshly fried
Sex I implore
Deep in her chapel kitten purrs in contentment
Better the apple once bitten
Unrepentant
Sent from Eden
It was written paradise lost
My lips on original sin pussymypride
Madonnawhore
A tripdownsouth search her intimatecrossroads
Redseaparting find promisedland
All forgotten
Once begotten
Exploring I plant my own flag
In and out, out and in my tongue laps like the tide
I fuck I score
Unzip; unzip the prize intended for marriage
Gentle foreplay all she allowed
Halter-top ripped
Then topless stripped
Dress and panties thrown on the floor
I told her we’d just fool around - I lied - I lied
Virgin before
In her sweetgarden I prune back thornbushes
Better to plow then plant my seed
Rich soil I till
Fertile harvest
Crop-rotation proudly perform
Well formed gardens cross fertilization relied
Sex done hardcore
Skip front entranceluxuryparking so private
It has easy access from back
Gain permission
Free admission
Slutty whore open for business
Doors never shut the sleazy cunt spread open wide
Pussy Amor
Author notes
12/8/4/4/8/12/4
Written February 4th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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we should all enjoy some pussycat
BRAVO!!!I loooove this piece.ingenius use of words.It sounds exactly like old english poetry.
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Wow great analysis. Thanks I will spare nothing in my next rewrite, as soon as my internet works better.
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the first thing that caught my eye were the run together words.. few seem to use them and I always find them entertaining..
the second of course was the style itself, I agree with myron - quite quirky, yet still very accessible.
for my own preference I enjoyed the first version more, without the hyphens though I likely would have removed most of the capitals also and perhaps added some curiosity with brackets and italics ie:
ripped open the door to her holyofholies
(dare I gaze at her covenant ark)
hidden glory
touch forbidden
embark and return death’s far shore
(a gentle caress) then thrust my hands deep inside
praise and adore
all this simply because I like the way it seems to allude to more ( for me )
As for the subject. ..well it's a very interesting take on erotica - a mix of subtle and bold, classic and new with some clever pairings of words ..Deep in her chapel kitten purrs.
which make for some interesting metaphors..
I wish I could give you a better critique but when it comes to recognizing poetic techniques, I often fall short..
I quite liked this, it was as myron mentioned - fresh, innovative. The style forces the reader to jump to create bridges between the lines something I tend to like, since it seems to open up more roads for interpretation.. like a prism - will reflect back in many different ways always relating to the type of light shone through it..
Very well done..
Let me also take the time to thank you for your wonderful critiques of my work.. each and every one of them has been a joy to read..
¤´¨)
¸.·´ ´´ ·¨)
(¸.·´(¸.·¤hims/Lisa -
quirky
what an interesting poem.
very quirky in its use of language...
it's innovative...
the lines carry a good sense of energy...
well done.
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