On petals of roses
our bodies repose
we seem to be dozing
our eyes are still closed
our tangled limbs frozen
still chaste though unclothed
my slumber unfrozen
awake while she dozed
asleep as if posing
my longing soon shows
On tongues lips, and noses
her body had drunk
And still she reposes
her full splendor shows
while I was supposing
to kiss while she dozed
and once my choice chosen
I waked my betrothed
too late the unchosen
her body still posed
our mouths gently closing
scattering pillows
On tongues, lips, and noses
our bodies were drunk
Author notes
Love is a Sweet Tragedy
Written March 25th, 2003
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is an exellent poem. I cant beleive how well everything flowed, great rhyming. This poem was very romantic ! Good Job, Keep writing!
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Dear MargaretG,
I am off to go find what an idyll. I recognize the term from the work Idylls of a king, at least I believe that is the name of the authurian work. However,I do not understand exactly what an idyll is. A great comment sends the author searching for information. I am always impressed with your erudition, I am glad one of my experiments in rhyme was semisuccessful. -
Dear Janos, the rhythm of these lovely rhymes carries me through, and the images resolve into an idyll. This is a different way of using "drunk", though I agree, wine comes in many vintages.
I had not noticed how close this is to being a monorhyme, that is extremely clever.
Edited on Jul 02, 10:40 because 'grammar'. -
In reply to silica,
Thanks that means alot from an accomplished word smith like you. I have become tired trying to convince people that the poem didn't need perfect rhymes. A lot of friends tried to persuade me to rewrite it until everything rhymed with rose i.e. perfect rhymes were superior to apocopated rhymes, slant rhymes, and any other form of rhyme you wish to call this. I want to play with all the different types of rhymes. I tried to match the rhyme scheme between the two verses to make my friends happy but that meant that line 1 rhymed with line 13 line 2 rhymed line 14 etc. and that was not enough. The fact that someone who uses rhymes to their fullest enjoys the rhymes makes me very happy. -
On calyx of rue our rumps now reside… Quite a switch from the usual rose rhymes! I’m not quite sure why you lay among the rose petals; perhaps you were ensconced in autumnal bowers… among the falling flowers – but any hoots I liked the poem – and ‘drunk’ certainly shows why rhyme works! Good stuff! May Rosaceae ever line your lines and beds…
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In reply to MariGoes,
Thanks that is perhaps one of the nicest coments I have received on this site. Thank you for reading. -
The rhymes here are not just rhymes, they really give a special tone and accentuate the imagery of each line. I also liked the way you used some words and made a variation of repetition.
About the content, it sounds very sensual, romantic and with a delightful sense of intimacy. I enjoyed it, thanks!
Mari
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aaw lovely write. uve written it so well...well done!! thanks for entering and good luck and sorry for the delay!!
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Very well written. I'm usually not a big fan of rhyming, but in this piece it fits well. You did a great job, I really enjoyed reading this piece. Thank you for entering. Keep up the great work and best of luck to you in the contest! Take care.
~Cherie -
This is such a lovely write...very well written
Your first two lines are especially nice. Very romantic..
I hope you will continue to write and share your words with us all here
welcome to allpoetry, enjoy the site
~Kristy
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