Hi. My name is Krystie. I am a 20 year-old female with an eating disorder. I have been struggeling with it for about 5 years. It mostly started after I began doing beauty pageants in the 9th grade. Although I won a few titles, I didn't like how fake I had to be since I felt fake enough already with my painted on smiles and hot-pink-polished nails. Then, when I was 16, I was sexually assaulted while in Hollywood, California for a competition. I won a medal, but the whole experience become somehow worth forgetting. I guess that was when my problem with eating really started. I wanted to have control over what happened to my body since I didn't on that night. I felt maybe if I changed how I looked then that would never happen again.
Although people always comment on how skinny I am, it never seems to be enough for me. I always want to lose more weight. This has always been a shameful secret for me so this is the place I chose to vent about it. I can finally tell someone how I really feel.
((I could tell you the story of my life, but trust me, you wouldn't want to hear it. It's just too sad to tell.))
I'm.......
F ucked up
I nsecure
N eurotic
E motional
........See I'm just F.I.N.E.
~*~*~She finally let go of her fake smile as the tears slowly rolled down her face as she whispered to herself "I don't wanna be me."~*~*~
It only hurts when I'm breathing.
My heart only breaks when it's beating.
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath--to forget.
"It only hurts when I'm breathing" Shania Twain
R.I.P. Dusty <3 We will miss you.
5/11/89-9/5/09
- Last seen on Nov 11 9:13 PM. Member since August 21.
- I'm a supertopaz delight poet for 62 comments.
- My mood is , and quote is "I just want it all to end...".
- I am a 20 year old woman from New York (United States)
- When I'm not writing, I'm going to college for Early Childhood/Special Education. I want to be a teacher.
- I am in the groups Eating Disorders, Girl Interrupted, Scarred but Beautiful, To Write Love On Our Arms, Used and Abused
- I have 62 comments, 22 poems, 2 journals
My Poetry
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I hate these feelings I get when I eat.
I want to be empty; insides clean and neat.11 lines, 5 comments, October 27. In Eating Disorder, Pain -
The clock reads 12,
I’m still awake. -
I’m the anorexic.
I pass you in the hall. -
Sometimes I wanna cut
Just to feel the pain;
My journal entries
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So I'm going through a really rough time right now. I am in treatment for my Eating Disorder and I'm having a hard time dealing with the treatment. I am extremely depressed, I'm very anxious all the time, and I want to cut more than anything in the world. It's just so difficult. I'm having a hard time even functioninNovember 6, In Sad. 100 words. → 2 comments, Add one?
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I’m having a really tough time tonight. Ever since I admitted to Danielle, and to myself, that my eating is becoming an issue again it seems to have intensified. It’s like once I opened that can just a little bit, all sorts of worms of different types, sizes, and colors came oozing out. It’s a bad metaphor, I know, bAugust 23, In Depression, Eating disorders, Personal reflection, Sad. 600 words. → 2 comments, Add one?
Guest Book
1 - 3 of 3
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starving4perfection on November 11hey hunny havent spoken to you in a while how you doing?? x hope your okay x
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redhanded on September 10thank you for the fav add I returned the fav as well. Hope to view some of your work as well
best of luck to you!
and stay strong.
as well as message me if you ever need anything at all :]
andi
(redhanded) -
Midnite wolf on August 22welcome to allpoetry, hope you like here. look forward to reading more of your work, if you have any questions just ask
