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Broken • Course: The Basic Elements of Poetry • Mental Disorders • Out of the Tomb Rising From Addiction • Starting From Scratch • The FreeversersAbout me
- A 25 year old woman from Texas, United States
- I'm a level 1 "amber angel" poet
- When I'm not writing, I'm Thinking, Learning, Researching, Swimming, Being a Mom
- My motto is: Damned to Live, Destined to Survive
x 16
x 20
x 8
x 45
"Damned to Live, Destined to Survive"
I just began recording some of my poems on SoundCloud at:
http://soundcloud.com/monroe10-1
My Lemon Twist Introduction------>
I AM...
25 YEARS OLD, I was born in and currently live in Austin, TX but many years of my childhood was spent in Iowa. I claim both equally when asked where I am from but neither one feel like 'home' to me, perhaps one day I will find a place I belong; a place to call 'home'. In the meantime I live here, I deeply love those who I call family and hope that they are along for the ride in my search for that place to eventually call home.
My Life Is...
...upside down and backwards, a lovely spin I was born into! Upon realization that it could not be fixed I began adjusting to this in order to function and live.
Evolving and adapting was difficult and slow but finally possible. It took me 23 years to see that I could not repair what has been broken for so long, nor would the life I was given ever be easy. I see the world differently and for some reason it isn't going to up and change for me!
This small amount of clarity was scary but I finally saw some options... if I must be trapped into living in this backwards upside down world I call life, just maybe I could remodel some of the inner designs of this fucked up outline!
I started college and counseling which was a huge step...
THEN in came a fucking lemon the size of a damn spaceship!
It went tearing through the walls of my life, squirting and spraying like acid rain upon my progress! As if that did not cause enough damage it proceeded with force toward all that was important with bulls eye aim then penetrated this target and burst; erupting poisonous acid which did in fact rain all over my fucking parade!
On November 7, 2009; life gave me a lemon which could not be made into lemonade.
So, here I am again unfortunately but this time I'm not blind... I see what I can not reach. What a fucking tease as I sit and stare... frozen from this trauma. Debilitated yet I keep trying, then spiraling down... it seems to be just another disposable dream.
Instead of going... rolling downhill on a road I know all too well...
A steep gravel street with a sign that clearly reads "Self Destruction St.". It twists and turns and at first it is merged with "False Happiness Lane", which later splits into a different direction; leaving me rolling down the rocks of this infamous street into the city limits where I'm always greeted immediately with a welcome home party.
Instead I chose to stay in this state and wait for the day that I may recover from that lemon twist. In the meantime you will find me here writing, trying to stay somewhat stable and still be able to embrace my insanity without taking that trip into the city limits of dangerous habits.
<</span>>
...My Name Is...
MONROE10
ColeKane
Cole
Nicole
Thank You For Viewing My Fucked Up Merry-Go-Round, For Your Own Safety Please Keep A 5 Feet Distance From The Screen
-Enjoy The Ride!
*******************************************************************
My Views Of Life:
~It seems as if broken hearts and broken souls draw others like puzzle pieces searching for a match in attempt to bond and fit together creating a loosely fitting bigger piece to feel a bit more whole; lost but not alone. We are broken puzzles with magnetizing pieces; thus leading to a mixed up and taped up picture in the end that will forever differ from the original design.
~Monroe10*
"Life is a mix of twisted events and experiences, both good and bad... but all mostly twisted in some way shape or form. The bad times always have been close to hitting rock bottom, and the good times being extremely euphoric. Why in life is it so hard to accomplish euphoria, taking every last bit of effort and energy to reach it, but hitting the low end or rock bottom can be achieved effortlessly. It seems to me that there isn't a balance between the two because your bad times never accidentally lead you to find happiness, but striving for happiness seems to lead you to hit a rock wall and spiral down. This isn't always the case, but to me it has been proven to happen over and over. Finally feeling that you have found your place in the world, someplace where there is peace in your life directly and spiritually, suddenly a monkey wrench is thrown right in the middle, daring you to see if you can get through it again. Much of this is a direct effect of some stupid action, but that time always comes just as u felt so close to reaching a point in life that you looked and strived for.
It is hard to see through the blur of events that led you there, there is no such thing as falling slowly when your landing hits so hard. The blame falls on you and only you. When you are over the anger of feeling life is against you and finally see that you are the cause of your own anguish, the feelings don't get any better. The feelings then transform into anger towards yourself and a tendency to imprison your thoughts into a part of your mind that they need not be. This is when it is so easy to forget about and let go of the peace and happiness that you had achieved before. The imprints of the good things are there but have become mere shadows of the past.
At your weakest point, at the end, is when you ask yourself why you backed down or gave in. Your realization that you allowed yourself to become weak forces you to become stronger. There is a reason to fight, you have been here before and beaten the odds. You become filled with an Armageddon of emotions, creating a strength that won't let you stop and give up. You take that dare, damn near died, and then get the fuck back up!
Nobody can pull you out of it, or pick you up. The only time anyone can help is when you reach out for them. So you wake back up, and see the light again. It is still a little blurry but you see the parts of your life that are spiritually enlightening and remember that you are actually loved.
To be loved, truly loved by someone that can look past the all the shit you allowed to hit the fan, and still see you through the mess. See you through your anger, fear, and tears. Be able to just look at you, and at that point you know that giving up on yourself isn't the answer for so many reasons.
I have fought really hard to find this place, happy and safe. Yet i know certain strings of events will always to seep into my life to keep testing me. I will always be powerless over my many feelings that twirl around me as if i were standing in the center of a tornado. I am that much stronger to not allow myself to just lay down and let the funnel take me away. However, there is this magnet I seem to have inside me that brings me down and pulls me towards self destruction. I say there is major imbalance, but i don't know if that imbalance is in the world or in myself.....
There are those special people that have their own magnets with just enough power to pull you from allowing you to quite reach that last place, or breathe out your last breath.
To those people, I owe my life."
~Monroe10
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<<a>>
Favorite Marilyn Monroe Quotes:
"I am invariably late for appointments - sometimes as much as two hours. I've tried to change my ways but the things that make me late are too strong, and too pleasing."
"I always felt insecure and in the way but most of all I felt scared. I guess I wanted love more than anything else in the world."
"Ever notice that what the hell is always the right decision?"
"I feel as though it's all happening to someone right next to me. I'm close, I can feel it, I can hear it, but it isn't really me."
"It's woman's spirit and mood a man has to stimulate in order to make sex interesting. The real lover is the man who can thrill you by touching your head or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space."
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
~~~OTHER FAVORITE QUOTES!~~~
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. "
-Albert Einstein
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
-Martin Luther King Jr.
"Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful."
-Samuel Johnson
"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
-Abraham Lincoln
(I admire crazy people)
******MY GRANDMOTHER AND MARYLIN MONROE are my heroes, they both struggled through life fighting to be happy and although they both ended their own lives I see how they fought the desire for a tremendous amount of time; they were not weak as others may see, they are strong to have held on for so long trying to find happiness anywhere. Marylin Monroe stood up proud of who she was and her words are inspiring to be proud of being imperfect, expressing her differences and feelings that most would be scared to admit to. Turning these differences into expression of individualism. She did not agree with society, embraced and exploited her unique views and personality!********
---People who express themselves and their opinions with great talent and confidence despite criticism or fear of it. Anyone who embraces their sexuality, personality, and individuality while maintaining a great heart and open mind.
...INTERESTS...
All animals but I have a passion for Exotic Species and any kind of Cat. I used to volunteer at a zoo and and exotic pet store where I had the opportunity to work with and interact with many interesting species of animals, reptiles, etc.
My favorite moments/memories from these experiences is (a) when I helped to save the lives of 2 baby African Spotted Genets that were cruelly taken from the parents/breeding pair after the time period that would allow them to adapt to "pet status". I hate people sometimes. I spent 6 hours straight with them after the (stupid f'ing store workers and owner gave up) getting them to eat. I wish to purge the world of ignorance about mental illness- it is not fake it is real and you may laugh in disbelief at the one person that it kills. To be individually different is something most people know, but they fail to see the extent it reaches. Normal is that everyone is different, and society puts a limit on how different one can be defining logic falsely defining people as crazy, when in fact it could be that what they feel and don't show makes them have problems that are abnormal. So I want a degree in Psychology so these words can actually be backed up with a piece of paper that says they are credible not some random theory from someone who has no proof of intelligence.
!! If you have made it this far down my page you know that I promote mental health awareness !!
Please visit my closed contest "Cry Out" @ http://allpoetry.com/contest/2485093
as these are others that desire to "cry out" against stigma and promote awareness through their entries here and their personal experiences. It would mean a lot to not only me but to them as well.
Thank you, and sign my guest book if you (a)like my page or (b)support mental health awareness.
If you favorite me, I always favorite back and when on am willing to chat. I'm usually cloaked so just shoot me a message if you so desire!
***********************************************
By Joseph Alan
Life Unfair
For Monroe10
Madness, Depression
Comes to me
Sometimes I’m unaware
Until it has me
By the throat
As I live Life Unfair
It comes to me
Sometimes at night
It jumps into my head
As I lay dreaming
Then I wake
Just wishing to be dead
Yet other times
In the mid day
When I am feeling well
A little shift
Perceptions change
I am brought back to Hell
Where nothing is
Quite as it seems
The danger’s everywhere
Though I hold fear
Somewhere inside
My soul no longer cares
I stare to the
Endless abyss
It’s filled with Satan’s toys
A million cries
Come whispering
Their music is the noise
It calls to me
Just like a friend
It welcomes me inside
I ache to go
To join, but still
I know it is all lies
For only Death
Is waiting there
With its finality
It can’t yet have
The fighting heart
Still beating within me
Emotions, thoughts
The roller coaster
Forever I will ride
Fast ups and downs
The tornado
Which always spins inside
In defiance
I make a stand
I stare in its dead eyes
It can not have
This soul inside
Despite it’s many tries
I will resist
The darkness deep
Which comes out from inside
I face it now
With strong resolve
From it I will not hide
I give my life
Now to this cause
To try to spread the word
In mental illness
Is no shame
Not matter what you’ve heard
This haunt within
We do not want
It’s not something we choose
I dare you all
Spend one day each
Just walking in our shoes
We have a heart
We have a soul
Irregardless what you do
We’ll hold heads high
With dignity
For we are people too
The lemons life
Has given me
The accusations made
As long as there
Is breath within
I’ll make my lemonade
~ Candle lumen ~
by Anewor
muted with soft glow,
no...
a light's beam
a beacon's stream...
a touch of glimmer,
a jewel like shimmer,
a varnished timber...
perhaps incandescent,
a moon's new crescent,
bubble of effervescent,
tubes of fluorescent.
no...
Something more phosphorescent
illuminating and iridescent
much more luminescent
less suppressant...
Beyond just candle
just light
or star...
Beyond twinkle
and twilight
or quasar...
Bright illumination
with great amplification
affectation of animation
an aspiration of this adoration
according to my calculation
a beautiful authentication
above a constellation...
My novella~
Luma candela
The brightest of lights... Monroe10, not afraid to shine...
CR8ZY ME! Thanks for reading, enjoy my poetry!
I just began recording some of my poems on SoundCloud at:
http://soundcloud.com/monroe10-1
My Lemon Twist Introduction------>
I AM...
25 YEARS OLD, I was born in and currently live in Austin, TX but many years of my childhood was spent in Iowa. I claim both equally when asked where I am from but neither one feel like 'home' to me, perhaps one day I will find a place I belong; a place to call 'home'. In the meantime I live here, I deeply love those who I call family and hope that they are along for the ride in my search for that place to eventually call home.
My Life Is...
...upside down and backwards, a lovely spin I was born into! Upon realization that it could not be fixed I began adjusting to this in order to function and live.
Evolving and adapting was difficult and slow but finally possible. It took me 23 years to see that I could not repair what has been broken for so long, nor would the life I was given ever be easy. I see the world differently and for some reason it isn't going to up and change for me!
This small amount of clarity was scary but I finally saw some options... if I must be trapped into living in this backwards upside down world I call life, just maybe I could remodel some of the inner designs of this fucked up outline!
I started college and counseling which was a huge step...
THEN in came a fucking lemon the size of a damn spaceship!
It went tearing through the walls of my life, squirting and spraying like acid rain upon my progress! As if that did not cause enough damage it proceeded with force toward all that was important with bulls eye aim then penetrated this target and burst; erupting poisonous acid which did in fact rain all over my fucking parade!
On November 7, 2009; life gave me a lemon which could not be made into lemonade.
So, here I am again unfortunately but this time I'm not blind... I see what I can not reach. What a fucking tease as I sit and stare... frozen from this trauma. Debilitated yet I keep trying, then spiraling down... it seems to be just another disposable dream.
Instead of going... rolling downhill on a road I know all too well...
A steep gravel street with a sign that clearly reads "Self Destruction St.". It twists and turns and at first it is merged with "False Happiness Lane", which later splits into a different direction; leaving me rolling down the rocks of this infamous street into the city limits where I'm always greeted immediately with a welcome home party.
Instead I chose to stay in this state and wait for the day that I may recover from that lemon twist. In the meantime you will find me here writing, trying to stay somewhat stable and still be able to embrace my insanity without taking that trip into the city limits of dangerous habits.
<</span>>
...My Name Is...
MONROE10
ColeKane
Cole
Nicole
Thank You For Viewing My Fucked Up Merry-Go-Round, For Your Own Safety Please Keep A 5 Feet Distance From The Screen
-Enjoy The Ride!
*******************************************************************
My Views Of Life:
~It seems as if broken hearts and broken souls draw others like puzzle pieces searching for a match in attempt to bond and fit together creating a loosely fitting bigger piece to feel a bit more whole; lost but not alone. We are broken puzzles with magnetizing pieces; thus leading to a mixed up and taped up picture in the end that will forever differ from the original design.
~Monroe10*
"Life is a mix of twisted events and experiences, both good and bad... but all mostly twisted in some way shape or form. The bad times always have been close to hitting rock bottom, and the good times being extremely euphoric. Why in life is it so hard to accomplish euphoria, taking every last bit of effort and energy to reach it, but hitting the low end or rock bottom can be achieved effortlessly. It seems to me that there isn't a balance between the two because your bad times never accidentally lead you to find happiness, but striving for happiness seems to lead you to hit a rock wall and spiral down. This isn't always the case, but to me it has been proven to happen over and over. Finally feeling that you have found your place in the world, someplace where there is peace in your life directly and spiritually, suddenly a monkey wrench is thrown right in the middle, daring you to see if you can get through it again. Much of this is a direct effect of some stupid action, but that time always comes just as u felt so close to reaching a point in life that you looked and strived for.
It is hard to see through the blur of events that led you there, there is no such thing as falling slowly when your landing hits so hard. The blame falls on you and only you. When you are over the anger of feeling life is against you and finally see that you are the cause of your own anguish, the feelings don't get any better. The feelings then transform into anger towards yourself and a tendency to imprison your thoughts into a part of your mind that they need not be. This is when it is so easy to forget about and let go of the peace and happiness that you had achieved before. The imprints of the good things are there but have become mere shadows of the past.
At your weakest point, at the end, is when you ask yourself why you backed down or gave in. Your realization that you allowed yourself to become weak forces you to become stronger. There is a reason to fight, you have been here before and beaten the odds. You become filled with an Armageddon of emotions, creating a strength that won't let you stop and give up. You take that dare, damn near died, and then get the fuck back up!
Nobody can pull you out of it, or pick you up. The only time anyone can help is when you reach out for them. So you wake back up, and see the light again. It is still a little blurry but you see the parts of your life that are spiritually enlightening and remember that you are actually loved.
To be loved, truly loved by someone that can look past the all the shit you allowed to hit the fan, and still see you through the mess. See you through your anger, fear, and tears. Be able to just look at you, and at that point you know that giving up on yourself isn't the answer for so many reasons.
I have fought really hard to find this place, happy and safe. Yet i know certain strings of events will always to seep into my life to keep testing me. I will always be powerless over my many feelings that twirl around me as if i were standing in the center of a tornado. I am that much stronger to not allow myself to just lay down and let the funnel take me away. However, there is this magnet I seem to have inside me that brings me down and pulls me towards self destruction. I say there is major imbalance, but i don't know if that imbalance is in the world or in myself.....
There are those special people that have their own magnets with just enough power to pull you from allowing you to quite reach that last place, or breathe out your last breath.
To those people, I owe my life."
~Monroe10
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<<a>>
Favorite Marilyn Monroe Quotes:
"I am invariably late for appointments - sometimes as much as two hours. I've tried to change my ways but the things that make me late are too strong, and too pleasing."
"I always felt insecure and in the way but most of all I felt scared. I guess I wanted love more than anything else in the world."
"Ever notice that what the hell is always the right decision?"
"I feel as though it's all happening to someone right next to me. I'm close, I can feel it, I can hear it, but it isn't really me."
"It's woman's spirit and mood a man has to stimulate in order to make sex interesting. The real lover is the man who can thrill you by touching your head or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space."
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
~~~OTHER FAVORITE QUOTES!~~~
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. "
-Albert Einstein
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
-Martin Luther King Jr.
"Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful."
-Samuel Johnson
"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
-Abraham Lincoln
(I admire crazy people)
******MY GRANDMOTHER AND MARYLIN MONROE are my heroes, they both struggled through life fighting to be happy and although they both ended their own lives I see how they fought the desire for a tremendous amount of time; they were not weak as others may see, they are strong to have held on for so long trying to find happiness anywhere. Marylin Monroe stood up proud of who she was and her words are inspiring to be proud of being imperfect, expressing her differences and feelings that most would be scared to admit to. Turning these differences into expression of individualism. She did not agree with society, embraced and exploited her unique views and personality!********
---People who express themselves and their opinions with great talent and confidence despite criticism or fear of it. Anyone who embraces their sexuality, personality, and individuality while maintaining a great heart and open mind.
...INTERESTS...
All animals but I have a passion for Exotic Species and any kind of Cat. I used to volunteer at a zoo and and exotic pet store where I had the opportunity to work with and interact with many interesting species of animals, reptiles, etc.
My favorite moments/memories from these experiences is (a) when I helped to save the lives of 2 baby African Spotted Genets that were cruelly taken from the parents/breeding pair after the time period that would allow them to adapt to "pet status". I hate people sometimes. I spent 6 hours straight with them after the (stupid f'ing store workers and owner gave up) getting them to eat. I wish to purge the world of ignorance about mental illness- it is not fake it is real and you may laugh in disbelief at the one person that it kills. To be individually different is something most people know, but they fail to see the extent it reaches. Normal is that everyone is different, and society puts a limit on how different one can be defining logic falsely defining people as crazy, when in fact it could be that what they feel and don't show makes them have problems that are abnormal. So I want a degree in Psychology so these words can actually be backed up with a piece of paper that says they are credible not some random theory from someone who has no proof of intelligence.
!! If you have made it this far down my page you know that I promote mental health awareness !!
Please visit my closed contest "Cry Out" @ http://allpoetry.com/contest/2485093
as these are others that desire to "cry out" against stigma and promote awareness through their entries here and their personal experiences. It would mean a lot to not only me but to them as well.
Thank you, and sign my guest book if you (a)like my page or (b)support mental health awareness.
If you favorite me, I always favorite back and when on am willing to chat. I'm usually cloaked so just shoot me a message if you so desire!
***********************************************
By Joseph Alan
Life Unfair
For Monroe10
Madness, Depression
Comes to me
Sometimes I’m unaware
Until it has me
By the throat
As I live Life Unfair
It comes to me
Sometimes at night
It jumps into my head
As I lay dreaming
Then I wake
Just wishing to be dead
Yet other times
In the mid day
When I am feeling well
A little shift
Perceptions change
I am brought back to Hell
Where nothing is
Quite as it seems
The danger’s everywhere
Though I hold fear
Somewhere inside
My soul no longer cares
I stare to the
Endless abyss
It’s filled with Satan’s toys
A million cries
Come whispering
Their music is the noise
It calls to me
Just like a friend
It welcomes me inside
I ache to go
To join, but still
I know it is all lies
For only Death
Is waiting there
With its finality
It can’t yet have
The fighting heart
Still beating within me
Emotions, thoughts
The roller coaster
Forever I will ride
Fast ups and downs
The tornado
Which always spins inside
In defiance
I make a stand
I stare in its dead eyes
It can not have
This soul inside
Despite it’s many tries
I will resist
The darkness deep
Which comes out from inside
I face it now
With strong resolve
From it I will not hide
I give my life
Now to this cause
To try to spread the word
In mental illness
Is no shame
Not matter what you’ve heard
This haunt within
We do not want
It’s not something we choose
I dare you all
Spend one day each
Just walking in our shoes
We have a heart
We have a soul
Irregardless what you do
We’ll hold heads high
With dignity
For we are people too
The lemons life
Has given me
The accusations made
As long as there
Is breath within
I’ll make my lemonade
~ Candle lumen ~
by Anewor
muted with soft glow,
no...
a light's beam
a beacon's stream...
a touch of glimmer,
a jewel like shimmer,
a varnished timber...
perhaps incandescent,
a moon's new crescent,
bubble of effervescent,
tubes of fluorescent.
no...
Something more phosphorescent
illuminating and iridescent
much more luminescent
less suppressant...
Beyond just candle
just light
or star...
Beyond twinkle
and twilight
or quasar...
Bright illumination
with great amplification
affectation of animation
an aspiration of this adoration
according to my calculation
a beautiful authentication
above a constellation...
My novella~
Luma candela
The brightest of lights... Monroe10, not afraid to shine...
CR8ZY ME! Thanks for reading, enjoy my poetry!
Guest Book
- I just listened to all your recorded poems.... All I can say is who..cracker jack doctors was just WOW.... U are amazing to read and to listen too!!!
- Cracker Jack Doctors is fucking awesome!!!
- oh i need to change that, i'm sorry. there is a long story actually about that...
- See all
on Jan 21
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