Mind Blowing• Show poetry

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You consume my thoughts every moment of the day. No matter how hard I try to hate you, I can’t get over you. I can’t seem to let ‘us’ go. I try… believe me; I try harder than most people do.
I want to be happy more than anything. Still I would rather keep the memories of us being happy, rather than possessing happiness at this very moment. I would rather die, than forget you. I’d rather be miserable than to let ‘her’ have you without me being somewhere in your life. I don’t want you to get over me. I hate that you now have the ‘I don’t care attitude’.
You shoved a bullet threw my skull, in slow motion, when you looked me in the eyes. My ears burnt to a crisp, hearing the words you said about me. Just from the site of ‘her’, my eyes feel to the ground and were smashed by the foot of an extremely large man and I still felt it. I fell to the ground with a clash and slammed my head into the counter along with my fist into the wall, just from thoughts of you being with her. Why of all people did you choose her? Do you not see my pain? I don’t see how you can’t.
You saw the slits your dagger left in my heart, along with the ones left in my skin. You saw the blood dripping, from my wrist, to the concrete floor of my garage. You saw the stain of blood that slid from my left thigh to my ankle. You saw the scab that should have left me begging on the bathroom floor, covered in blood. You saw the dark red, in my black hair, still fresh and looking as if I poured honey onto a gunshot wound in my skull.
You watched me fall to the cold gray floor and hit my head. You watched me reach for your hand. You watched me close my eyes, as I gave into temptation. You watched me rest. You noticed the white powder on the inside of my nostrils. You found the knife in my hand. You saw the needle lying on my bed. You read the letter, addressed to my family, stating how I felt like sh*t because of you and I couldn’t take it any longer. How I took my life in front of you intentionally to make you feel like I did. I planned it all out. Now, you know this!
Reading this letter, you understand all. You see now how much I want to hate you and how much I would do, for you to feel the way as I do now. For you to have thousands of swords shoved down your throat, pulled back out and then in again, over and over. To have someone throw lighters at your feet so they explode setting you on fire, just so they can watch you burst into flames.
I want you to know how it feels to watch someone die on the inside and out! I watched for the last 3 months and it’s now your turn. Watch me die. Watch me decay. Watch the flies cover my body and eat my flesh.
I want you to run and hide. Go burn the letters and let my parents find me. I want you to make them think it had nothing to do with you. I want you to feel the guilt dig into your soul, like God staring you down for your sins. I want to see you drop to your knees crying because of words someone you love has said. I want you to understand how I feel. I want you to hate me but still love me. I want you to care about my feelings. I want you to hear my thoughts. I want you to remember everything I ever told you. I want you to take back the past. I want you to turn back time so none of this would have ever happened. I want you to feel. I want you to forget about ‘her’ and to stop all of this. I want you back in my life, so you can make me whole again. I want you to make me quit crying and wipe my tears from my eyes.