Menderilla• Show poetry

I tend to severely like a song that makes me feel and think things in order to allow me to enter my reverie. However, if I play it too much, I snap out of it. I guess, when one gets that used to something it tends to have a dimmed affect after awhile. However, this song still sends my thoughts and emotions in frenzy even though I have heard it many times in a course of years. No matter how much I’m used to it due to time and endurance, it still triggers things inside me as if I encountered it for the very first time. That’s love. So help me God, that’s love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKU96TSWnzU










Life is filled with minor provocations and devastating burdens. But, if one can find an individual to give them an emotional cleansing at the end of each grueling day then they are by far the luckiest person in this world. It’s difficult enough to carry each affliction with maturity and bravery, but it’s so much harder to carry it alone. It’s that isolation and constant letdowns that forces individuals to come to a halt. No matter what they do, say, think, or feel they are frozen in the same attribute by invisible chains and force to replay their aguish in the past, present, and future. It’s that mending of the psychosocial pieces of an individual that keep them going. It’s that hand extended outward to an individual in hopes they will grab unto it that breaks those chains and helps to stop the replay. It can come from a friend, a lover, a family member, or even the materialistic or spirtual. It doesn’t matter. What matters is to be taken out of the furrow and dust off to try again tomorrow. If one is not taken out of the furrow the dust will collect, creating heavier cloths to bear.










Imagine an open field with a sky as red and dark as blood and a ground so brown it's as if trees have surrendered their branches for a greater good. In the horizon, there is a line of humans in various forms of armor. Armor that is made of leaves, wood, metal, even one’s own flesh. The armor depends on the person and what they think will protect them; keep them strong. These humans, each and every one is approaching the same destination. Some are crawling, some are running, some are walking. Some are ahead of others. No matter where a single human is, they’re all approaching the same direction. Then there are those who are laying upon the ground without movement or very little of it. Some are dead and some are barely breathing. It’s a heartrending sight to endure. However, there are rare incidents when individuals stop approaching their destination and turn around to help the one upon the ground. They grab the human upon the ground and allow for their arm to rest upon their shoulders as they walk together. Others turn around to mend to the wounds of the fallen. Others simply just sit with them until they’re ready to proceed on their own. However, that is only in spondaic and infrequent occasions. The sight seen often is humans laying upon the ground in positions such as the fetal position or face down while others continue to pass them.

I'm sitting in this open field unable to move anymore as I watch other humans pass me by. I'm wounded like many others, but no one seems to notice or even care. I'm dying of thirst and I'm hungry. I try my best to crawl to The Destination, but I don't make it too far before I need to rest again. I whimper and wonder if anyone hears me.










There are two ways to confront a problem; terminating it or finding ways to make it bearable. The first reaction is to terminate a problem. If the problem proceeds to exist, the only other option is to find strategies that can be productive/positive or unproductive/negative in order to make the problem bearable. Productive/positive strategies can be anything that makes the problem so bearable that it's almost as if the problem has been terminated and usually one gains better outcomes. Unproductive/negative strategies can be anything that has the potential to add to the problem and only brings temporary assuagement to the problem. The main focus is to detect the problem, figure how to approach the problem as in answering the question, can one terminate the problem or can one only make it bearable, and finally implanting strategies to manage the problem so that it does not jeopardize one's survival by having the problem become worse.

A single word to describe life is problematic. In other words, it's filled with problems. Personally, I don't care as to why there are problems in life. I am more concern with detection and how one approaches and manages problems.










Just a girl who has a difficult life like anyone else and would like to come home to someone who would love her back to purification as she tries again tomorrow.










I seek. I'm still seeking.










One receives it or should receive it through family. As one gets older, they develop more outlets to receive it from; friends, family, spirituality, and even the materialistic. When one reaches adulthood, the outlets continue in order to receive it, but one outlet surpassing them all; the outlet of intimacy. In others words, the love of a significant other. This is human nature; the desire to find interpersonal relationships that keep one away from isolation. One cannot walk alone with satisfaction. We all feel lonely at times by choice and countering affects. But, to be alone is humanly impossible because isolation destroys the psyche of an individual and when that is destroyed, there is nothing left but a physically hollow form.










- My stories aren't really stories. They are more descriptions to dreams I have had. So, they really are horrible. I have more torture to come though.
- My poems are just the crap of emotions and thoughts that I want to release from me in an organized matter that I can make sense of. Usually, I have fits of inspiration, but I like to enter contests when I am struck on ideas.
- I have been writing since I was quite young. However, most of my work has been lost or thrown away.

- I have major depression with psychosis. Along, with borderline personality disorder. So, apparently this thing that I feel is always hovering over me, this thing I can hear and feel lingering close by me is all in my head. Too bad it doesn't make me feel any better to know that. Fuck professional help. I do better myself.










*Relationships I Want To Contiune*
- My sister because she is my best friend. ♥ ♥ ♥
- My sister's kids because they are the cutest kids and I don't want them to forget me. ♥ ♥ ♥
- Ben because I like him a lot and our relationship is slowly growing into something more. ♥ ♥ ♥
- Jake because I care deeply about him.
- Ali because he actually is a decent guy and there aren't a lot of decent guys out there.
(This list is subject to change if any of the above people piss me off enough or I find new people that have tickled my fancy)

I'll talk to anyone as long as they don't provoke my many annoyances. I'm not a very good conversationalist though. I think it's because during my teen years as other teenagers were developing hobbies, interests, and talents, I was simply just surviving. Usually conversations are base around commonalities in interests, hobbies, and talents. Therefore, it's hard to converse with someone if that person doesn't have any real hobbies, interests and talents to begin with because they never really got the chance to develop them during their younger years. However, I am interested in everything and anything. Therefore, even though conversations aren't my strong suit, I sure do like listening to other people and even participating in what they find so fascinating. Also, even though I'm a late bloomer in the sense of developing interests, I have develop some interests over the years.










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(My expression when I’m drunk)

(My expression when I’m doing my daily facial exercises)

(My expression on a daily bases)

(My expression when I’m sunburned)

(My expression after I passed a bowel-movement)

(My expression after an eye appointment)

(My expression when I'm trying to seduce Ben)

(My expression I make to mock my insane mother)

(My expression when I actually do seduce Ben)

(My expression when I'm trying to lie without actually lying)

(My expression when I'm riding.... the pony)

(My expression during a blow-job)

(My expression as I peek through one's window. Okay, Ben's)

(My expression when something suddenly is caught in my eye as I try to be sexy)

(My expression after a blow-job)

(My expression as I wipe my boogers on one's shirt)

(My expression when I think no one is looking)

(My expression when I question someone)

(My expression to scare the crap out of little kids)

(My expression when I’m still wiping my boogers on one's shirt)

(My expression when I have loss my head. Literally)

(My expression after escaping the hospital)

(My expression when I’m having a breakdown)

(My expression... what the... again with the blow-job?)

(My expression when one sews my mouth together. Haven‘t done that yet, huh?)

(My expression when I think you're an idiot and you don't even see it)

(My expression when eating something really chewy)

(Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha)

(My expression after I played with too much baby powder and decided to top it off by putting a crown on top of my head)

(My expression when one takes a picture of me while drunk)

(My expression when I want to take over the world and set it in flames)

(My expression when I’m smoking the holy-land. If I ever decide to smoke)

(My expression of secretly wanting to be a cheerleader)

(My expression when I‘m again trying to scare the crap out of little kids)

(My expression when... well, I am not sure what I’m doing here)

(My expression when I'm whacking one's nuts)

(My expression when I'm using a vibrator)

(My expression when I'm homeless. Soon to become homeless, I'm sure)

(My expression when I realize I have spider legs for hands)

(My expression when I realize I'm in a porno)

(My expression when I become homeless a second time, but decide to use my *services* to make money)

(My 2 year old nephew’s expression when I yell or spank him when he does something bad, but believes I was in wrong)

(Oh, if one can only see my expression when I see these smilies)

(My expression when I have a giant boil on the side of my chin)

(My expression when I'm trying to knock myself out)

(If you stare at this smilie long enough you get hypnotized)

(My many expressions in two organized groups; good and evil)

(Again, very hypnotizing)

(Ben knows how much I want to be a ninja. This will be my expression someday)

(My expression when I'm picking my nose and was caught)

(My expression when one hits me on the head)

(My expression when I’m trying to cheer someone on, but horribly fail)

(My expression when I'm wearing my glasses)

(My expression when I'm annoyed)

(Ben and my expression when we are together. We both are wondering were those heart above our heads came from)

(My expression at the movies. Aw, now I want to go to the movies. Damn)

(My expression when I have prevail. I shall prevail!)

(My expression when I run up to someone, scream, and run away)

(My expression when I'm aroused. Hey, it happens.)

(My expression when I broke something at the mall and ran away)

(My expression during all the times I was in detention at school)

(My expression as a stripper)

(My expression when I realize I can blow fire out of my butt)

(My expressive vag.... pelvic area)

(I really want one of those spears)

(My expression when I just farted)

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