MaidMistaken• Show poetry

Dear Readers,

Strange how so many of us are conditioned to think we can fix everything. This mind-set makes it all too easy to forget that we are human. Im afraid I find myself doing this almost daily, leaving me most disappointed. For whatever reason, I have all the patience and unconditional love in the world, and when it comes to find the good in humanity, I usually do. However, just as that comfort takes place, doubt sits itself down in the neat little corners of my mind. Maybe its normal to think things shouldn't make sense, or maybe im handicapped in the sense that I think everyone seeks the greater good. I feel as though im holding on too tightly to something that simply will never happen, for reasons I couldn't list in a lifetime. As painful as this is, coming to terms has its relief. I wont go into the specifics, but lately i've been reminded of the many colors and moods of the world in general, as well as those I have come to know and love in my life. They are ever-growing.

I feel a life-change creeping up on me. I am not sure what it is, or why it's so heavily pressed on my mind, but I welcome it with an eager heart. In a moment of confusion, I realized God is my only true center, and without my faith, I am without peace. My foundation has been far from stable, though always independent. I am proud of my strength and revel in it.

I am not sure why my heart aches, why I dream, or why my brain seems to twist at all hours of the night, but I do know that I am quite unsettled internally. Where will I be ten years from now? Let alone ten days.. Is it possible to truly know yourself while having no sense of direction? Are my resources desposed? Did I really have any to begin with? Being transitional at the age of 20 is less than desireable, though I have never run parallel to my age group. I got myself here, and I have to claw my way out.

Often, I grow tired of being the strong one. Just once, I would like to lie down and rest a while. Though I know my sense of responsibility and ethic will never allow that. My misguided thoughts were heavily encouraged by a series of immature and impulsive decisions. The heart is like that, and I know that now. So maybe I'll never love the same way twice, but I can apply that same concept to failure. I am hoping I have learned just enough to swim effectively through the next obstacle. Someday this spiral of a girl will unravel, and wrap into a loving bow within a warped and carefully created society.