NOT ALLOWED ON MY PAGE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES:
[X] Crappy spelling
[X] Poor grammar
[X] Chat speak
[X] Gangsta lingo
[X] Stupidity
[X] Stereotyping
[X] People with tunnel-vision
[X] Ignorance
[X] Insincerity
[X] Wishy-washy comments
[X] Sugarcoating
TRANSLATION: Be real.
Oh yeah ... and quit telling me my poems would make great songs. My poems are poems. My songs are songs.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a city to destroy."
~ Ducard (Batman Begins)
LITTLE LADY.
BIG VOICE.
SCREAMING GUITAR.
........c'est moi!
Random hilarity
"I ain't babysitting!"
~ Bella
"Let's play Pass the Body Part!"
~ Sofia
"I love you...dearly, not queerly!"
~ The Freaky Four (Me, Rikki, Schreck, & Nick)
"Why do they call those songs "nursery rhymes"? Every time I go into a nursery, all I see is a bunch of plants."
~ my dad
"Apart, we are cheese and pie. Together, we are quiche!"
~ Schreck & Rikki
(DAY 1) "Oh my God. Alex, stop that or I will vomit!"
(DAY 2) "Alex, post funny pictures. I promise I won't vomit."
~ Marco
"Egg..."
~ Bella
Puja: (some random jabbering)...and we all know what Lady Voldemort sees in the Mirror of Erised...
Me: Hey!
Puja: Yeah, it's the Dark Lord in a compromising--
Me: SHUT UP!!
Everyone else at the table: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Me: So my cousin was teasing me and saying somethin like "oh so you go with Voldemort, blah blah blah..."
Puja: *muffles laughter* and you come with him too...
(after I threw water on a pigeon) "I knight you Sir Wets-a-bird."
~ Nick
Me: My cat just bit me.
Lauri: Evil cat...like his owner.
"My brain didn't say what my mouth was thinking. No...my mouth didn't think what my brain was saying! Oh no...I mean my brain didn't...ah, forget it."
~ my dad
"I could just sit and stare at your handwriting for hours..."
~ Puja
Lauren: Oh shit! It's getting light out!
Me: Dammit! we're never gonna be able to get up!
Lauren: OOH it's 5:55! make a wish.
Me: *groans* Do we have to?
Lauren: May all your meep slarks be fartled!
Me: AAAHHH! HAHAHHAHAAHAHA now I can't fall asleep because of YOU!
[sporadic outbursts of muffled laughter throughout the next hour]
"...expelling...particles of methane..."
~ my dad (the voice of Rebate)
"My friends call me Harry when I do something stupid, and Ginny when I do something smart.....so does this mean I'm dating myself?"
~ Rikki
"You'll wanna stay away from mass murderers...unless you're Alex, in which case you go and marry them..."
~ Puja
"Do muggles see magical creatures? What happens when they do? Get labeled lunatics by other muggles and write a novel about it that gets called a 'fairy tale'??"
~ a Death Eater from HPANA
"Hey, my kitty was in a very slutty position."
~ Morgan
Santino: Are you good at doing riddles?
Puja: Huh?
Me: It depends on what kinda Riddles we're talking about here...
Puja: OH MY GOD...! *doubles over laughing*
(in ShopRite, while holding up a beanie-baby snake) "I got Rebate a cousin!"
~ my dad
Santino: OK, I have a riddle. If you can solve it, I'll give you a dollar.
Me: Are you calling me a prostitute?!
me: *looking at Max as he walks out of my room* Cooommmee baaaacckk!
my mom: You're a sick woman.
me: Why? Just because I said "cooomme baaackk" ?
my mom: Yup.
me: Well what about you??
my mom: That's different.
me: Oh really now...why?
my mom: 'Cause I'm a hypocrite.
"So, Rebate...how do snakes...well, ya know..."
~ Morgan
"el queso del burro. Ass cheese."
~ Corinne
"No!! These are supposed to be PERVERTED mad libs!"
~ Morgan
"This asshole called me up and farted!"
~ Bella
"Oh god...not the likes..."
~ TJ
"AWWWWWW Who's a cute little basilisk, who's a cute little basilisk! *tickles baslisk under the chin* "
~ Chicky
"I thank you for the Double-Vagina Award."
~ Billy
"I hope they do a Dumbledore and get shot out of a window.."
~ Angel
"It's a potato!"
~ Corinne
Me: My dad said 'Nagini' sounded like a pasta.
Sofia: Really?
Me: 'Nagini & Meatballs' or something...
Sofia: It never even crossed my mind.
Me: I know...
Sofia: hahaha Imagine eating Nagini.
Me: AHHHHHH! NOOOO!
Sofia: I bet the Dark Lord would never do that though.
Me: Of course not! Imagine me eating Rebate! ...it's the same thing!
Sofia: Well, Rebate isn't edible.
Me: Yeah...I don't eat fabric.
"Just look at those eyes drinking every word from the paper! If we're lucky Rebate will be the next US President!!!"
i24.photobucket.com/albums/c44/MorsXmordrE/Rebate/rebatereads4.jpg
~ Lulu
"I have to look up 'bondage' in the Spanish dictionary..."
~ Alecto
TJ: Talking like Yoda, we are.
Me: My ass off, I am laughing.
"Is it rude to listen to your iPod while there's live music playing?"
~ Michelle
(during any random moment) "Porn?"
~ Nick
"You ARE a fucking madwoman, and that's why I like you!!!"
~ Alex Q
"God...and the pigeon...are one."
~ Bella
TJ: The problem is im a cold-hearted motherfucker when you stab me in the back."
Me: Same here. But then again...I'm just a cold-hearted motherfucker to begin with.
TJ: I'm a cold hearted fucker to begin with...I just add the mother when you do shit to me like that
Me: *nearly falls over laughing*
"If Percy apparates with a snap, Fred and George apparate with a crack, and Dumbledore apparates with barely any sound at all...does this mean Hagrid would apparate with a sonic boom?"
~ Bella
"That sounded about as sarcastic as someone begging to get out of capital punishment."
~ me
Katie: *walks to lunch table with LOTS of fries on her tray*
Me: *reaches over and takes a fry*
Katie: *groan* I swear...if you weren't my master's wife...
"No Kitty...bad Kitty....SIT KITTY!!!!!!!!!!!!"
~ TJ
"So...she was depressed because she was stuck in the river of honey with her red-hot bondage sandal?" [troubles with Spanish translations...]
~ me
Me: Hey, how tall are you?
Lauri: About 6'3"
Me: Jeez...that's two days in a row that I've felt like a complete fucking MIDGET!
Lauri: And how tall might you be in that case?
Me: 5'2" and a BIG half..
Lauri: I could put you in my pocket!
Me: And I could punch you in the face!
Lauri: Okay, I won't put you in my pocket. I don't want anything hostile in there.
"I thought you just called me sane...I was about to get seriously offended!"
~ Michelle
"Come on...the internet is for porn, not families." (Do I sense a mockery of HPANA? nooooo...)
~ Rikki
(about me wearing a ghost mask & making silly arm gestures)
my mom: Oh my god, you look like a terrorist!
me: uhmm...I don't think terrorists wear Green Day sweatshirts.
i24.photobucket.com/albums/c44/MorsXmordrE/ghostmask.jpg
(singing) "Aaaalllleeeexxx...it has come to my atteennnntion...that the things on your pants are daaannnngerous..."
~ random kid in high school [that I didn't even know]
"I have Evil Laugh Tourette's."
~ Billy
"Embrace your Inner Tonks!"
~ Tonks (WHO ELSE??)
"I don't wanna work alone with Alex! She's gonna start casting spells on me!"
~ girl from high school
(about my singing in my high school's mock American Idol) "That was...Morticia Addams meets Pat Benetar."
~ Mr. Lerner / "Simon"
"My breasts are off-limits!"
~ Katie
"Some guys think their cars are extensions of their penises, so they rub them and rev them up and make them go fast."
~ my dad
"Hi sweetie!"
~ Alecto
Me: You are not putting my sharpie marker on your tits!
Katie: I'm not gonna write on my breast, though.."
"I AM NOT A MUGGLE!!!!!"
~ Morgan
my dad: Okay...so what's the opposite of a Death Eater?
me: An Auror.
my dad: A WHAT?
me: A-U-R-O-R.
my dad: What the hell is that?
me: It's...sort of like the Wizard police.
my dad: Ohh. I wanna be the Wizard police!
me: *eyes bug out* Then I'm gonna get away from you! *runs away*
Me: It's Max's birthday today.
TJ: Awwwwwwwww, Maxie..
"Hermaphrodite female penis."
~ Billy
Me: My dad got confused once and said "Is it Death Eater or Deaf Eater?"
Zach: Yeah...Deaf Eater. I can't hear you, I'm eating.
"SKANKASAURUS REX!"
~ Matt J
"Why am I sitting here all depressed when I can go outside and hurt someone?" [reference to football]
~ TJ
my dad: You shoulda seen this guy the other day...his stomach was so huge. It was like hanging over his belt! *demonstrates* I was thinking, "How does he find his dick?"
Deb: ...And how does his wife find it? [chuckles] If she's even looking, that is.
my dad: Ewwww!
me: Did he even have a wife?
"Your kids would be half-snake!"
~ Katie
(about a minute after Katie's comment)
Tonks: heheh...hey Alex, what if Voldemort turned into a snake and then--
Me: WHAT??!!
"I'm not just a random morbid adult female."
~ me
"You're leaving me for college?! *gasp* I'm breaking up with you!"
~ Morgan
"I am a female penis!"
~ Billy
Mr. Schmeltz: HEY!
Billy: HEY!
Mr. Schmeltz (to Billy): Hey! I don't need your help!
Me: Ugh! I have a cat hair in my mouth.
TJ: GOOD JOB MAXIE!!
"It's the Voodoo Dick!"
~ me (after Billy's waterbottle was torpedoed onto Katie's lap)
"When you go to college, the consequences get very, very high...just like you."
~ Mr. Sabol
"You Death Eaters don't fight fair!"
~ Rose
my mom: Hello, this is Yoda...
me: That sounded more like Arnold Schwarzenegger to me!
my mom: (still doing Yoda voice) I am a German Yoda.
me: Just don't run for governor...
"66% of the world's evil comes from myspace. The other 34% is from Justin Timberlake."
~ Nick
"The perfect way to ruin a moment: mention George Bush."
~ my mom
my dad: I'm a ho. I do anything for money.
me: I'm a music whore.
my dad: Oh so now you're into slavery and bondage?! What's with you?
me: *laughs maniacally*
my dad: Where do you go to school?
me: Uh...Binghamton...
my dad: Ahh, with all the fart-ernites and sor-whore-ities?
me: HAHAHA YES!
my dad: Ahh, that would explain it!
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit."
~ Mr. Sabol (this guy seriously should be a comedian)
(at 2AM)
Me: *laughs hysterically*
Lauren: Alex, are you snorting Gigglium?
Me: *laughs even more*
"I'm a bull, and I'm full of....nevermind."
~ my dad
me: ah shit...I just got milk in the keyboard...
TJ: MAXIE!!!!! WANT SOME MILKY!!!!
me: WHAT THE FUCK...
"So my daughter is impressed because my mind was temporarily in the gutter...!"
~ my mom
"Hungary...Turkey...they should have a country called Chicken."
--- 5 minutes later ---
"If Hungary attacked Turkey, would it be Full?"
~ my dad
"Selectively permeable is just another way of saying snob, if you think about it."
~ Angel
"Hi, welcome to McDonalds. Would you like to try our value meal or have a sex-change?"
~ Zach
"I have to get more undead monkeys to be better than you. *glares evilly* "
~ Lauri
me: Smartass...
my dad: *pretends to ignore me*
me: Yes, I just called you a smartass. *laughs* ...That's probably where I got the gene from!
my dad: Stop talking about my ass.
me: I rest my case.
Bella: *talking about some Hellsing character* ..and then he went bouncy wouncy...
Me: Bouncy wouncy.
Bella: Yes. *pause* oh no....
Me: *laughs maniacally* HEY EVERYBODY! BELLA JUST SAID "BOUNCY WOUNCY"!!
Bella: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Me: HEY LUCIUS...!!
Bella: AAHHHHHHHH!!!!!
me: *sneaks up behind Max with a ruler*
Max: *walks away*
me: Dammit! I wanted to measure his tail! I almost got it and he got up and walked away! grrrrrr....
my mom: Well, how would you like it if someone came over and tried to measure your tail?
me: *stare*
my mom: I didn't say that...
"...and something I found on the floor!"
~ Rikki
my dad: (while driving) Why don't they have a go sign?
me: *laughs* Um, it's called a green light.
"C-section babies have it easier...they don't get pushed around on the way out."
~ Alison
"You bring out the worst in me."
~ my mom
"I may not send a nudge that often."
~ my dad
"I sound like a dying male cow going through puberty!"
~ Ayla
"All my ancestors were goats."
~ my dad
Alex Q: Well look who's talking, Miss Dark Lady
Me: That's MRS. Dark Lady to you.
Alex Q: So there's a MR??
Me: oy...
"I now understand what a derivative is, thanks to the comatose goat!"
~ Cindy
my dad: I just called Max an asshole.
me: You're an asshole!
my dad: No, I HAVE an asshole. I'm not an asshole.
me: *laughs* geez...whoever started calling people body parts and making it an insult?
my dad: I dunno...no one's ever called me a collarbone before...
me: *almost dies of laughter*
"It's kind of hard to talk when you got a snake all over your face."
~ TJ
my mom: *makes a silly face on webcam*
me: how the hell did that get called the "goose smile?"
my mom: No idea, but at least it's not a goat!
me: If my mother is a goose, and my father is a goat, then what does that make me?!
my mom: *laughs hysterically* a geet? ...a goase?
me: OH NO...
my mom: ....really screwed up?
me: yeah, that's it.
"What's an Alera?"
~ my dad
Michelle: Is that beeping noise in my head?
Me: No.
Michelle: Well it could be in your head too...
"Mashed potatoes are cozy, dammit!"
~ Brian
my mom: I love the smell of burning candles...
me: I love the smell of burning bodies...
my mom: WHAT?!?
me: Kidding...kidding... *muffles laughter*
"Oh my, I totally just farted on it."
~ Michelle
"I hate college! It stole my sister!"
~ Morgan
my mom: Max doesn't talk like a truck driver.
me: MAX IS A CAT!!
Chantal: Excuse me while I pray.
Me: *muffles laughter*
Chantal: Seriously. I'm praying for the savior of your soul.
Me Oy vey...
Chantal: God bless you.
Me: I didn't sneeze.
Chantal: ...or do you prefer "Satan bless you?" Should I call you Richard Ramirez?
Me: HAHAHA
Chantal: Seriously though, I have to pray for you. This could take a while...
my dad: You have a stripe.
me: God dammit, I know I need to dye my hair!! *groans*
my dad: *smirking* I was just informing you...
"CABBAGE."
~ me
"The first time I tasted semen I knew I was a lesbian."
~ Anna
"I can be a bit sexist....against my own sex."
~ Chantal
"I've just re-discovered 'Genie in a Bottle' ...and that's bad."
~ Michelle
"You cock-juggling thundercunt!!"
~ Blade Trilogy
[about men] "They're either gay, married, going through a divorce, or aliens from the planet Don't Date Me."
~ Sex and the City
"Valley girls talk in a perpetual question mark."
~ my dad
"The skittles slogan is so fucking retarded. *Taste the rainbow* Yeah...I'd rather taste the fucking skittles, not a colorful arch in the sky thank you very much."
~ me
"Alex is a soprano with mezzo tendancies."
~ Mary
"Your e-laugh is weird."
~ Brian
"The valley girl inside me slips out from time to time."
~ Jeff
"My feet are on the ground, and my head is in the clouds...hmm. Maybe that would explain my perpetual stomach ache."
~ me
[on the phone]
TJ: You still there?
Me: No, it's my good twin.
TJ: Your good twin?! Oh god no! Put your evil twin back on! Seriously! I like that one so much better!
"...kinda disturbing to think of farting as a form of communication."
~ Zach
"Torture makes me giggle."
~ Rikki
"Your ass is the greatest philosopher since Plato."
~ Michelle
"Do not oy vey me."
~ Lauren
"MEGAN! STOP WALKING! It says 'red hand!' "
~ Stacey
[cell phone]
Me: *walking* Alright, where are you?
Chantal: I'm on the street corner, where I belong!
"I'm a fat fucking fuck whale bitch!"
~ Deb
"I wish I was in possession of said hypothetical cookie."
~ me
"I gave you perfect pitch and great legs."
~ my mom
"Que pasta?"
~ Michelle
"Oh man ... I saw him in the bowling alley .. we just stared at each other .. and now I'm afraid to go bowling!"
~ my guitarist, talking about our ex-drummer [no names shall be disclosed here]
"You don't need to bring sexy back cause wherever you are, sexy follows!"
~ Maray
Deb: I'm home work from early, dear!!
Me: WHAT???
Michelle: It was like some sorta divine light had just shone down on him...
Me: Yes...and God said unto thy father, "Thou shalt press backspace."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most: love.
If you believe that homophobia is wrong, copy and paste this onto your author page.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
THE BEST QUOTE OF ALL TIME:
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind.
- Last seen 10 hours ago. Member since May 29, 2003.
- I'm a hyperbolic pebble poet for 1857 comments.
- I am a 20 year old woman (United States)
- When I'm not writing, I'm a musician.
- Visit my homepage at morsxmordre.deviantart.com/
- I support the site as a silver member
- I am in the groups A Group for Artists and Musicians, A Hard Rock and Heavy Metal Lovers Group, AP Book Project 2, Atheists, Harry Potter Fans, Music Rules My Life, My Screaming Guitar, Singers, sex sex sex, the Crazy Hp Gang of 06
- I have 1,857 comments, 10 contests
My Lists
- Acrostics
- Europe
- Family
- Friends and/or Enemies
- Life Lessons
- Picture Poems
- The Darkest Days
- The Harshest Ultimatum
- The Road To Recovery
- Those guys
- Turned Cold
- Written while at college
- x X x
Poems I'm focused on
-
EVERYONE in the US should read this. It should be a bit of a wake-up call...
-
Without a care in the world
He does what he wants
My Poetry
-
Just because you feel a certain way towards someone
Doesn’t automatically mean they’ll reciprocate.
So don’t go telling dozens of people
My Stories
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DarkRomantic113 on August 11Very Nice page. I liked it.
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Synthetic-Nightmare : not bad, not bad..... on July 10pretty busy on this end and
*big hug*
YAY!!!!!! I GOT YOU TO MAD SMILE!
MWA HAHAHAHHA!!!!!!
I've been working and partying my ass off...
other than that, sleeping for the time being,
i kinda have HORRIBLE insomnia though -
Synthetic-Nightmare : YAY!!! on July 10IT'S MAH CAMERA WHORE FRIEND!
^_^
how've you been?
we haven't talked much on myspace OR VF lately,
although i don't really use VF anymore.
How's life?
ALSO....
a friend of mine just signed up for allpoetry and you should TOTALLY CHECK OUT HIS STUFF!
it's sick, twisted and messed up sooooo.....you'll lOVE IT!!!!!!
http://allpoetry.com/zdunning2006
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ProzacManiaK : Hi. on June 18You sound cool, and really into harry potter, like me.
