Xxbloody-rosexX• Show poetry

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Hello, my name is Mary Catherine Elizabeth West. I bite.

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A few things about me:


1) I am just the girl next door



2) I have a wonderfully marvelous boyfriend named Ethan. He knows everything that has happened in my past and has overlooked it. We're starting over together.




3) I am not a true mother yet, but I feel like one. I have a younger brother and neglectful parents. My brother, now three, spoke his first word to me and called me mommy. He still does unless our mother is nearby.

4) I love the stage. Eveything about it. Lights! Props! People! I am an actress and a damn good one. But I cant get a break because Im too fat. It pisses me off too. There are plenty of overweight actors and actresses out there! Queen Latifah, Roseanne Barr, Drew Carey, and many more. Screw it! I will be famous some day.




5) I am a very passionate girl. I have my own thoughts, views, and beliefs. I am the best friend you'll ever have, but I can also be your worst enemy. I will fight anyone who messes with my friends or family.



6) I believe that anyone should be able to live their life the way they want to as long as they are actually LIVING it!




7) I intend to live my life to the fullest. I will earn every wrinkle on my pretty face.

8) I have to very awesome friends. Their names are Sean and Dryll. Both are guys and no, Im not screwing either of them. We are best friends and I love them very much.

9) I am


10) I am complicated. I have a dominant personality. I cant be described in just a few words. I am a lover and a fighter. A friend and enemy. A child and a woman. I am everything and nothing. Devil and Angel. I am a paradox. You cant change me.

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Life's Lessons by MARY WEST(Trust me they're true)

~Rules are like paperclips: meant to keep things together, fun to bend, and easily twisted out of shape.

~When life gives you lemons you SUPPOSED to make lemonade, BUT it's more fun to throw them at people

~LAlalallalALLALalalalLALALALLalala (Life's Greatest Lesson)

~The world does not revolve around me. Its the whole freakin universe that revolves around me.

~DO NOT put the hose of the vacuum cleaner in your mouth. You may think itll be funny. Its not. It hurts. Trust me.

~The harder you try to fit in the more you probably will, BUT you're also selling your soul to the evil aliens that are watching the earth every moment of every day (No, Im not paranoid, its a fact)

~Weird is good!

~There is no 'I' in team; but there is a 'me'.

~Love makes the world go around, but Im pretty sure money has something to do with it too.

~Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Unless, of course, they did unto you first. Now you totally have to open a can of 'unto' on them.

~Anybody whos says you have only yourself to blame just isnt good at blaming other people.

~Popular people have problems too, theyre just better at hiding them or they are really clones...or robots

~Emo's have feelings too. Get it? Emo=Emotional. So be nice! Im nice and I have many emo friends, see the connection?

~I thought I liked this guy once, but I was wrong. He was stupid....What? Was that supposed to go another way?

~LAlalalALalalALAlALALlalalalAlalalaLALaLlalalAlA (What? Its still a good lesson.)

~Paranoia is the key to safety

~Those things you see flying around outside. They are not pegasus'. They are flying donkeys.

~Your supposed to live life. So live it BEFORE you die!

~TURTLES EAT ORANGES TO SAVE THE FROGS FROM THE EVIL ALIENS!!!

~Be nice to people you think may be crazy. Chances are, they are and will hurt you if you call them so.

~SCHOOL WAS ONLY CREATED SO THAT THE GOVERNMENT COULD BRAINWASH THE CHILDREN OF TOMORROW SO THAT THEY COULD MAKE SURE THAT WE ARE WILLING TO BE PLACED IN BREEDING PROGRAMS AFTER THE ALIENS INVADE EARTH.

~Be nice to janitors, they have keys to things.

~Quack Quack = Two Psychiatrist's

~Love yourself because you never know who may come along or when. If you love yourself then you have room to love them as well.

~Dreams do come true, but so do nightmares

~Life is like candy. If you feel like it, you can eat it. If you DONT feel like it...you can still eat it. (It makes since if you think about it)

~(No offense meant) Rap is to Music what Etch-A-Sketch is to Art.

~Never hold off on saying something nice to someone. You may regret not doing it later.

~If you have to prove you love someone, they dont love you back. Its not worth it.

~Love is fleeting, chocolate is forever

~You DO NOT do your own stunts! Why does your T-shirt lie to me?!

~If you have PMS and a gun no one will mess with you. Ever.

~Violence is never the answer. But sometimes its a helpful way to FIND the answer.

~Tomorrow will come soon enough, just focus on today.

~ Friends are like balloons, once you let them go they dont come back. So hold on with both hands.

~There is a difference between genuis and stupidity. Genius has its limits.

~Honest critsism is hard to take from a relative, friend, acquaintance, or stranger

~Question Authority...then run for your life.

~No matter what someone says to hurt you. It doesn't matter. It may seem like it matters but it doesnt. All that matter is what you think about yourself.

~If it looks funny and smells funny DO NOT put it in your mouth. I want to try it first.

~Never be afraid to take a chance...actually, on second thought, dont...I want to win the lottery myself

~He who risks nothing, risks everything.

~Today is the tommorrow you were worring about yesterday.

~DONT make pigeons mad. They have sharp beaks and THEY KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE

~Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that mother*bunny*
up-side the head.

~Never wish you were older, because then you get older and you wish you could be young again.

~Friends are the best thing since sliced bread

~Love is a battlefield. So go into it armed with an Ak 47 and a rocket launcher. Trust me you'll need it.

~If you have even one friend, even if theyre imaginary, then you havent failed.

~Dont give up until youve tried, failed, and tried again

~Try everything once, if you dont like, you dont have to do it again. What can it hurt?

~Duct-tape solves any problems with annoying little siblings.

~Dont wait...Procrastinate now.

~Youre going to die eventually, so eat well and live right until youre like sixty and then just live it up!

~Doors hurt. If they are closed, do not run into them. the same goes for walls.

~If you fall up the stairs a Jackie-chan move can keep you from landing on your face.

~Lids fit the containers THAT FIT THOSE LIDS!

~If you get the chance, love someone with all youre heart. There will never be a feeling like it.

~Exercise hard. Eat right. Die anyway.

~If you cant say something nice, dont say anything at all. unless its about somebody who cant hear you.

~Never be ashamed of your mood swings. I mean, who doesnt love swings?

~ The voices in your head ARE NOT real, but they still come up with some really great ideas.

Not everyone has friends. Thats nothing to be ashamed of. But YOU can be a friend to ANYONE. All it takes is a little effort.

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My Ap family:

Boyfriend: Ethan Emmons www.allpoetry.com/XBloodySuicideDollX
Father:
Brother: Dryllwood37 www.allpoetry.com/Dryllwood37
Sister: Rachel-Mae www.allpoetry.com/Rachel-Mae
Twin:
Cousin:
Pet Kitty: Silver220 www.allpoetry.com/silver220
Husband: Oxymoron21 www.allpoetry.com/Oxymoron21
Wife: Confused-Chic2931 http://allpoetry.com/Confused-Chic2931
Furry Pink Unicorn:Carly Contagious http://allpoetry.com/Carly%20Contagious
Wacky Next Door Neighbor: XemomassacreX www.allpoetry.com/XemomassacreX
Happy Bubbly Barbie Doll Girl:
Best Friend: Rocker-Boi www.allpoetry.com/Rocker-Boi
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~I am the girl who loves to stay in on Saturday nights.
~I am the girl who hates it when she sees someone she cant help.
~I am the girl who will go to great lengths to make people happy.
~I am the girl who loves to do things just to see peoples reactions.
~I am the girl who will fight for her family and friends.
~I am the girl who has had some horrible relationships and is STILL willing to give you a chance.
~I am the girl who loves it when you fall asleep on the phone.
~I am the girl who likes it when you call me at 3 in the morning to talk about your problems.
~I am the girl who wants to make you feel better but has no idea how to say it.
~I am the girl who will fall asleep on your shoulder at some point.
~I am the girl who gets excited about things easily and loves when you act interested too.
~I am the girl who got into trouble before but has decided to abandon that life.
~I am the girl who loves it when you introduce me as you're girlfriend even when Im in sweats.
~I am the girl who will show you off with pride to anyone who will listen.
~I am the girl who gets lost in the clouds, but loves it when you drag her back to reality.
~I am the girl who loves it when you make calm down if Im taking on to much.
~I am the girl who will understand if you have to cancel our plans or forget our anniversary.
~I am the girl who loves you for you.
______________________________________________________________

Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter
________________________________________
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from a doctor of my choice.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA Grid_____________

INCOME TAX FILE NUMBER _________________ DRIVERS LICENCE _____________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ STATE___________ POSTCODE______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: __________________________________________________ ___________
__________________________________________________ ___________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
__________________________________________________ __________________




ACCESSORIES SECTION :

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __ Yes __ No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __ Yes __ No

C. A waterbed? __ Yes __ No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __ Yes __ No

E. A tattoo? __ Yes __ No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________


REFERENCES SECTION :

Church you attend __________________________________________________ _

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

Father? _____________

Mother? _____________

Priest or Pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

__________________________________________________ ____________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

__________________________________________________ ____________

C: A woman's place is in the:

__________________________________________________ ____________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

__________________________________________________ ____________

E. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _______________________________

__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

F: When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

__________________________________________________ ____________

G: What is the current going rate of a motel room? __________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
INDIGENOUS AUSTRALIAN BULL ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION,
CHINESE WATER TORTURE and RED HOT POKERS

__________________________________________________ _______
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State or Federal Government Representative
_______________________________ (Their stamp goes here)
Notary Public

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years (or more) for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (You might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.



Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy):

Rule 1: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a carton of beer, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule 2:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule 3:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule 4:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule 5:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule 6:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule 7:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule 8:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool, places where there is darkness, places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Cricket games are okay...Old folks homes are better.

Rule 9:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule 10:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.


((See why I've never introduced by BF's to my parents?))