I.am.the.sun.• Show poetry

hey, well im seventeen despite what the profile may tell you, i didnt know what to expect and wanted to expereince everything this site has to offer. i live in Pemberton, B.C. Canada which is pretty much out in the middle of nowhereland. 3 hours away from Vancouver if that means anything, and whistler. 2010 olympics! as fun as it may sound, the road construction here sucks ass. and its the same pemberton as the Pemberton Fest '08 with coldplay NIN and tom petty. that was rad. anyways. about me...

still have one more year of highschool to trudge through, then im off on my own. plans thus far include: bar tending licence. colledge/university while bartending at night. music theory, english, psycology, advertising, etc etc... im not sure what else. i am a chef a the local golf course BigSky. top ten in Canada. i live far out of town so walking there takes about an hour, and an hour and a half back (up a mountain). i love walking so thats no problem at all, so far i havnt seen a cougar, and havnt had to do much other than walk slowly away from a few bears. it just sucks when i have to do it and im tired. im in love with music, which is probobly what got me into writing poetry, i would love to be able to write song lyrics but i try and they never come out right... ever.

i play the drums, my dad did too, which is probobly why i started. i love them, they're completely different from any other instrument. the closest is probobly the piano. you dont stand up in front of the band, you cant prance around and do an act while singing, and you cant look badass while laying down a sweet bass riff. you just sit there and try to hold everything together, moving every apendage indepentantly but all bound by the song. you dont pluck the string, or raise your voice, you hit hard and you hit fast, or you hit light and you hit slow. sometimes you dont hit at all. either way, its completely different. im not saying its better, but i love it. i love the rain, its raining now. and i love it.... but one of my favorite things in the world is the feeling and sound of dusty dry small gravel on dusty dry pavement crunching under your feet as you walk along it. it only ever sounds perfect in the spring when the air is still cold but the sun is still hot. and the only snow still left is ice. i live a half hour away from the biggest ski resort in the world, but i havnt gone in over 3 years. i dont like big crowds, unless im there and have completely nothing to do later so i can let loose and just not care about getting lost, having to be somewhere at a certain time, or anything like that. i love the moon. im a cancer, i dont believe in supersition, but i believe that if someone does, then it does play a role in their lives. so i dont belive that being a cancer has anythign to do with it, i just like pointing it out. when the moon is full and just cresting over a mountain ridge, its so bright and you can see the shadows of the grass blades in a dark blue. its amazing, and its the most wonderful feeling in the world, having blue day at night. i dont get angry. i hate the fact that i dont get angry, even when i deserve to... i dont. and its hard to deal with. i have short hair and blue eyes. short hair for the first time in years. i had grown my hair out in grade 8, up until last october. it was super curly and would put itself in ringlets which pissed me off. but anywyas, i had dreads for about 7 months, and they were badassssss. i would do them again, but only if i made sure that whey would dread right when they grow (they didnt, which is why i had to cut them off.). i write normally when im sad, when something really bad has happened to me. and this summer has really been a big one for me. i broke up with my girlfriend, my dad went to emergency, i lost my job, and i wasnt getting along with the rest of my family. i was in a band for about 2 or 3 years with some friends from school, we ended the band in April, it was called Transmission Party, and we ALMOST got a spot at the pemberton fest... but i was the only one doing anythign about it and i couldnt do it alone. so it failed. well. thats enough. rawr. if you want more, tell me a little about yourself and ask me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i play drums, im good at 'em too.

John Henry Bonham was the greatest man who ever lived,

and September 25th 1980 is a worse day than september 11th.

if you believe in anything, you're right.

if you believe in nothing, you're right.

not believing in anything is wrong.

number one is number one, youself always comes first, you cant help people if you're dead.

any fool can be uncomfortable

 

 

 

 

if you want to know anything else, want to get to know me, even if you dont but just want to talk or anything like that. well. message me or something. i have so much time on my hands that 'too much time on my hands' by Styx is my theme song right now... but in MY song i AM going crazy! >.<

 

and everyone is equal. no one needs to be fixed, they just need to be understood, and they need to accept who they are- that often means realizing they're not who they think they are... not just getting over the fact they're something they dont like. theres a silver lining to every cloud.

 

and everything is everything. when it comes down to it... nothing really matters anymore than the next.

*update* well as it turns out... the fact that my mom and dad both went through cancer wasnt enough for someones sadistical idea of fate. so now it turns out my dads cancer has come back in his throat/mouth/lymph area. so yeah. inoperable, they've given him the tag of 'terminal', so at least all the meds in the world for him to be pain free are well... free... thanks to medicare and a sympithetic government. however, thanks to a not so sympithetic someone in the cosmos, doctors felt dutified to inform us that if we want to tell him anything, we should do it in the next six months. and the next six after that is just luck. and anything after that is just an anomaly. sooooooooo... yeah. suddenly this poem im about to post after this update becomes clearer and i know exactly what it means. funny how that happens. i read it when i bought a poetry book and thought, "what a weird comparison, father and sun" and now it makes sence. although i wish i was never given a reason to understand it...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shifting the Sun

 

When your father dies, say the Irish, you lose your umbrella against bad weather. May his sun be your light, say the Armenians.

 

When your father dies, say the Welsh, you sink a foot deeper into the earth. May you inherit his light, say the Armenians.

 

When your father dies, say the Canadians, you run out of excuses. May you inherit his sun, say the Armenians.

 

When your father dies, say the French, you become your own father. May you stand up in his light, say the Armenians.

 

When you father dies, say the Indians, he comes back as the thunder. May you inherit his light, say the Armenians.

 

When your father dies, say the Russians, he takes your childhood with him. May you inherit his light, say the Armenians.

 

When your father dies, say the English, you join his club you vowed you wouldn't. May you inherit his sun, say the Armenians.

 

When your father dies, say the Armenians, your sun shifts forever. And you walk in his light.

 

 

~ Diana Der-Hovanessian ~

 

:'( Alright, this will be quick, but here's another update... I'm with my dad for a few days up in Tofino for newyears, and he's not doing too hot. He can barely bring his head out of his hands he's in so much pain. But when he can, he's so ripped on pain meds that he's not really there. I really wish my newyears was spent at home with friends and good cheer... There a lot of just... Bad vibes here. Christmas and newyears felt forced. My dad is happy when he sees us happy, and we're happy when we see him happy, but when we see him in that much agony, well I stop smiling which makes him feel sad, and it's just a bad cycle. Yeah... So I'm super down right now. Yeahhh. Bye.