Havocess• Show poetry

Screen names, slang and soap operas: by Chasity Havick

My fingers are mock typing on the yellowing surface of the Chivington public library's #6 apple Macintosh computer. The surrounding computers (#5 and #7) have merciless occupants scraping at the keys so repetitively I'll be sure to see them ignite from the friction at any second. I take a moment to replay the scene of the 1973, paint peeling, public keyboard suddenly engulfed in hungry flames then, smiling wryly, I return my attention to the expecting screen. Once again I pretend to type a few words and then tug at my earlobe as if in thought, I find it only slightly pathetic that I have a 3-minute routine hesitation about screen names prior to entering a chat-room.

Names represent personality and personality is appearance in a chat-room full of net-surfers from who-knows-where. For example; if I enter a chat-room at bookworm.net with the name 'soccergurl123' it would practically scream 'typical, anti-grammar, teenage follower' but, entering a chat with an interesting name (with a hidden meaning for extra kudos) such as 'Thistle' can indicate someone with a generally interesting, somewhat intellectual, personality (age unidentified).

Okay, review; screen names with slang, 'txt, txt', purposeful misspellings (gurl, boi, gr8, luv, etc) and overly used nouns are for the atypical and will set off grammar warning sirens all over the net. So unless you want to be tracked down and torched to death by Grammar Nazis use a unique and grammatically correct name. This may seem overly dramatic to you but, in truth they're doing you an (annoying) favor. The Grammar Nazis of the net set out to find, correct and humiliate the illiterate, it's harsh but, being humiliated in front of a load of strangers that suddenly think your lacking (mentally), is more than your Literature teacher could do in a month.

The main thing to remember about Internet survival is that it's real. Maybe not tangible but, everything you do on the net is traceable and could come back to bite you in the ass if your not careful. Well, metaphorically at least. The net is like a soap opera, except your mother probably doesn't watch it whilst you're at the local torture center, school. What I mean is that the internet is overly dramatic. You'll see kids complaining about their curfew via the blog, teenagers typing such vile things about their 'friends' that it could make any decent person cringe and even advertisements that quite literally scream, “CLICK ME!” pretty creepy, huh?

The Internet is pure havoc, just like my name. I clack the keys together enthusiastically until the text box contains the word. Havocess.