Everlasting Ellen• Show poetry

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So... when we look in the mirror, we're looking at ourselves... but... think of it this way, by looking at ourselves in the mirror, we're unconsciously defining ourselves by comparing us to other people. How would I know my hair is blond if I hadn't seen any other colour? the way we identify ourselves, is partly by comparing ourselves to others around us...

When I don't look at myself in the mirror, I don't feel different to anyone else. I really feel completely normal. Except for when people start staring at me or asking questions .... for me normality is an illusion. But then again, what is the harm in illusions?

When I do look at myself in the mirror, I see a body that is twisted and disfigured, perhaps... People might call it ugly... but I also see a face that "could" have been very beautiful, had luck been my way. I see a face that "could" have been close to how my twin sister looks, but perhaps I would have had darker blue eyes and a sharper nose and chin and a younger looking face....

Strangers that don't know me, pity me, they must see me as incredibly ugly, which is strange, because I don't believe I deserve pity when i don't pity myself... If i'm consciously not comparing myself to other people, I don't see myself as ugly at all.... I don't hate who I am, and I do not lead a torturous life. In fact, I believe that being disfigured has given me a different outlook on life.

I remember someone once said to me "through the awful hand of God, comes wisdom", that is just so damn true. What I don't have, or what was taken away from me, has given me wisdom and strength and ability to see past other people. I am able to understand people in a way that many don't and I can accept and befriend people young or old, little or big, furry or skinless, black or white, teeth or no teeth, legs or no legs... we're all human beings, we are all capable of giving and receiving love and happiness.

but then again, I question this belief I have. We can love people in different ways, and sometimes the kind of love we have for someone can be blurred. I am capable of giving love, and I do so freely, but am I capable of receiving love? Yes, I am if its the kind of love from a family or a friend... but more than a friend, I've got my doubts. Is it possible to love a person who is disfigured? Perhaps it is, but perhaps its not. When I was young, around 10 years old, i was adamant that I would never get involved with someone more than a friend. Partly because I don't trust men, also because I didn't believe in true love, and lastly because i didn't believe I stood a chance with all those normal, beautiful women out there. The first, and the last are still beliefs I hold...

Don't try and argue with me guys... because honestly think of it this way.

You were given the choice of two women:

one had brown mousy hair, moles all over her face, a mustache as well, and hairs growing in her nose, and uni eyebrows, and when she hits the scales she weighs 4599 tonnes and she dresses in a pair of tracksuit pants and a baggy old top.... but her personality is joyful, bubbly, she's a joker, she's warm, she's friendly, intelligent too.

Now compare that to this other one who has blond, luscious hair, a clear sharp face, perhaps a freckle here and there, blue eyes, and a fantastic athletic body. She is also joyful, bubbly, a joker, she's also warm and friendly and intelligent...

Who would you date? My bet is you would go for the second.


Case Closed.

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Favourite movies: Shawshank Redemption, Blind Flight, The notebook, the blue butterfly, Love Actually, the Calendar Girls, Children of a Lesser God, and many more.

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Favourite book: My Sister's Keeper.

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Favorite Languages: English, AUSLAN, Italian, Spanish, annnddd definitely Arabic

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Favourite Authors: Patricia Cornwall, Eric Ambler, Jodi Piccoult, Jane Austin, Shakespeare ()

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Hobbies: horse back. Outdoors, Piano (music), reading, art, theatre, friends, family and so on

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Have You Ever:
been to a drive in movie?: Noooo I would like tooooo : )

stepped on a nail or thumb tack?: I stepped on a nail a billion times... haha

swallowed chewing gum?: Yes when I was 5, I cried for hours thinking I was going to die

tried out for the theater?: Yepppp

been a cheerleader or football player?: Hell no ... No.... NOOOOooooo

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What is
something you consider to be a waste of time?: WoW? Yep kill me.

something you do just for yourself?: Play piano

something you'd like to improve about yourself?: Quite a lot...

an animal you are scared of?: Snaaaakkesss!!! *shudders violently*

something you do with your kids?: I don't have a kid, but the kids I often look after make me play soccer with them and the others make me watch Disney cartoons

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"Without pain we cannot know strength
Without failure we cannot know our gains
Without hope we cannot know dreams
Without dreams we cannot know hope
Without determination nothing is possible.

So fellow friends, fighters against all odds

Chin up, chest out, shoulders back.

March on." ---- by Me.

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Adios Amigo