Edna Sweetlove• Show poetry

REALLY PROBABLY WORTH READING

The Ancestral Sweetlove Family Crest

1. Who is Edna?

So many of you have observed that I write as a woman and I have a woman's name, yet some of my poems seem to be written from a male point of view. How astute of you. Suffice it to say a satisfactory number of people know the exotic truth.  Also I dearly love wearing second-hand women's clothes, preferably uncomfortably tight in the most inappropriate places (and preferably from second-hand women).

2. Why do Edna's pieces vary so much?

This is because I am a weird (or werid or wierd as some folks here at AP spell it) person. The fact is that I'm a teeny bit naughty; why, sometimes I even post items written by degenerate perverts in my disgusting and dysfunctional family.

3. Does Edna have an AP Family of writers she admires and recommends?

Here's a list to get you VERY excited...please read them avidly!

Edna's proff-reding xpert who noes sum wity jokes: "I A Muse Myself" 

[ http://allpoetry.com/I%20A%20Muse%20Myself ]

Edna's sexy and funny AP friend who beckons you: "no win no fee" 

[ http://allpoetry.com/no%20win%20no%20fee ]

Edna's rude Irish AP friend: Sweet Pete

[ http://allpoetry.com/user/show/Sweet%20Pete?ok=1 ]

Edna's favourite AP rodent: Bartholomew Mole

[ http://allpoetry.com/Bartholomew%20Mole ]

Edna's fundamentalist AP spiritual advisor: Pastor Grovell, D.D.

[ http://allpoetry.com/Mad%20Pastor%20Grovell ] 

Edna's favourite AP person with Alzheimers: Just Fred

[ http://allpoetry.com/Just%20Fred ]

Edna's much-travelled amigo: Barry Hodges

[ http://allpoetry.com/Barry%20hodges ]

Edna's precocious and poetic AP friend: Uhs Feth Malorn

[ http://allpoetry.com/Uhs%20Feth%20Malorn ]

Edna's saucy American AP lady friend: Cinnarry 

[ http://allpoetry.com/Cinnarry ]

Edna's new and dubious scatty friend: Fee Kaleeta

[ http://allpoetry.com/Fee%20Kaleeta ]

Edna's laughable Australian joke peddler: Douglas Ramsbottom

[ http://allpoetry.com/Douglas%20Ramsbottom ]

Edna's demented and fairly filthy foxy AP friend: Zorro69

[ http://allpoetry.com/Zorro69 ]

If some of the links don't work don't blame me. If YOU want to be included in this lovely AP family, contact Edna now with a bribe!

4. What about Edna's legendary larger-than-life characters? Why are they so fabulous?

Above all, there is SNOGGO, that exciting alter ego of mine whose adventures I hope will give much pleasure to children aged 50+; he is a bit vain but his exciting escapades are an inspiration to us all. And Naughty Marietta is pretty cool too, sexy piece that she is. I honestly believe Victor the Voyeur is perhaps unique in the history of dogging literature. And Vladimir the Pervert is a lovely human being.

But now some new characters have sprung out of nearly nowhere: my Texan cousin Basil "Butch" Sweetlove, the most manly lawman in Texas, famous for his crotch-hugging pants and the entire academic staff of WHIPPINGHAM COLLEGE, the strictest, poshest and most expensive public school in England, where the cane reigns supreme and where academic cruelty lives on in glory.

5. Which are Edna's favourite films?

Since I am renowned for my exquisite taste, I'm often asked which are my favourite comedy films. Well, the funniest film ever is FORREST GUMP (how I love the fact that Forest is mis-spelled in the title).  What a ridiculous name and what a funny death scene: ho ho ho, I giggle even thinking of him talking to that silly tree (the 2nd most wooden thing in the film after the eponymous retard). Next funniest must be THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST - how I shrieked with glee when you-know-who got nailed up (and Dad did nothing about it). In joint third place is LOVE STORY - I laughed so much I had to give my lower half a thorough hosing down after the final hospital bit. And another hot humourfest is SAVING PRIVATE RYAN: twisting of historical fact to some awful sugary plagiarised music and is disgracefully anti-German which I find racist and highly un-PC.

And I have another new fave funny film now: FLIGHT 93 is a total crash-hot killer (sponsored by the USAAF and the CIA no less). And of course any film featuring Audie Murphy, Robert Ryan or Ronnie Reagan, none of whom could act at all.

I just remembered that I recently saw the world's worst film on TV; don't miss it: BLOODSUCKERS (aka Incense for the Damned aka Doctors Wear Scarlet). It's so bad, the director asked for his name to be taken off the credits after the producers edited it out of all recognition. Be sure you have some matchsticks handy to prop your eyes open. It makes the Abbott and Costello version of "Hamlet" seem realistic.

6. So how can you contact Edna?

If your comment is too personal or erotically stimulating to leave on my guestbook, please feel free ask me for my email address - foul abuse is particularly appreciated provided it is correctly spelled and is grammatical. Only people aged 16+ please.

xxxxxx

Edna
Poetess to the Stars
and Hornbag Extraordinaire

PS It has come to my notice that I have some copycats on the WorldWideWeb. Yes, some naughty bunnies have taken to leaving comments on various websites under my name in order to be taken more seriously. So remember: there is only one Edna and that is me.