I actually wrote this for one of the groups I am in, but after some encouragement have decided to go ahead and post it as a column as well in case others might benefit from these suggestions.
Writing a critical critique is possibly one of the most important things we as writers here on AP have to offer one another. There seems to be a common misconception about the difference between what is a "critical" critique, and what is a "hurtful" critique. So let me begin by putting the stopper in these myths. A critical critique is something that is very honest and straightforward, but that offers suggestions and room for growth. A hurtful critique is a senseless bashing based on personal opinion which offers no helpful suggestions or encouragement. Fairly simple to remember? I think it is a pretty cut and dry, black and white spectrum, though many people are plagued by the grays.
When discussing critiques with people here on the boards I am continually surprised at how many times it has been said "I just can't leave critical critiques, I can't be mean to anyone." The majority of the time, I leave very critical critiques on people's work who in-turn applaud the comment, thank me graciously, and often later send me more links to their works in the hopes I will share my honest thoughts with them. We come here not only for praise, but to grow. But we cannot begin to do so without a guiding hand.
There are many wonderful columns here on AP that assist both in how best to critique a work as well as how best to receive a critique on your own work. Realize there is no right or wrong answer. A critique is an opinion, it is your interpretation of how the piece presented is, and what it could be.
In this I will not be stating the more technical areas of critiquing a work, though I may do so at a later date. (I do encourage anyone who would like to do this or share links to any they themselves use to do so.) Instead, this will simply be a loose outline and explanation of why this tactic works for me.
Giving A Critique
When leaving a comment for someone, especially a critical one, it is important to point out both the positive and negative of the work. I realize to many this seems like a very common sense concept, but it is amazing how few really do it. They usually point out only the things they enjoyed about the piece, and completely overlook it's flaws, or only point out it's flaws and yet say they like the poem without ever really saying what did work.
Making It Personal
I like to begin with the subject matter of the piece. Though this might not always be a comfortable area, especially if you do not understand the content of the poem. Do not be afraid to ask the poet for their interpretation of their write. Many are often flattered you care enough to ask and wish to understand. All poetry really is interpretive though, so do not be afraid to say what you personally got out of it. Relate with the writer, whether it is to agree or disagree with the topic, discuss your personal experiences. In presenting this poem to you, they are sharing a very private piece of themselves, do they not deserve the same in return? We as poets are more exposed than any other artist, because not only are we expressing our souls, but we are doing so in blunt language. Never forget that. It is a privilege to read one anothers work whether we particularly enjoy their style and mannerisms or not. You will be amazed how much finding a common ground with the writer can effect the way they perceive your critique.
Attacking the Demons
Once you have established a friendly basis, and put the person at ease and on a common ground with you, you are free to address the areas of the poem which are problematic.
In doing so there is a very simple method to assure this is taken well. Play upon their obvious strengths to help them overcome their weaknesses. If you note that a writer is very articulate and precise, but feel their piece is a bit cliche you approach the subject with the positive aspect of their gifts. It is much easier to swallow,
"You have a very articulate mannerism when describing your feelings in this piece, though I would have liked to of seen more of an original approach."
than it is to absorb,
"This piece was very typical and cliche of love poems."
Always have faith in the writer and their abilities. Because it is in all of us, that possibility to be greater. It needs only be shown to us in a way so that we can understand how to use it.
Another example, just to stress how important this is when critiquing someone..
It is much easier to accept,
"You have a very interesting presentation in this work, that assisted in impacting the reader with the overall feel of the piece. Though I felt not spelling out all of your words disrupted the environment you created."
than
"U is not a word."
Offering Suggestions
When presenting someone with alternative methods and usage it is important to do so non-threateningly. How to do this? Be humble. This is not to be mistaken for giving praise where none is due. But again, play to their strengths to overcome their weaknesses. If you recommend a new scheme for their poem, present it with the faith that they have the ability to do this without your guidance. Many can, but have not really ever had it put to them in a way so that they could really look at it and why it wasn't working. Your examples help people to see that. By seeing where yours does flow, compared to theirs which does not they can understand which parts are disruptive and then decide for themselves how best to approach the situation.
Closing on a Positive Note
Just as it is important to begin on a common ground to insure the writer does not begin reviewing your critique with a defensive mind, it is important to leave them with reassurance.
Your closing lines more than anything else are what will stick with them. Recap and reiterate the things you like about their style and their work, while still reminding them that you believe in their abilities. Because you should.
No matter how little someone appears to have put into a piece you have no way personally to truly know. Poems are like pain and cannot be measured to someone else's. Though you personally may not be able to relate, or to understand why someone would post something in the way that they have does not mean for that writer it is not a strong effort that could be improved upon with the right encouragement.
Now that I have talked your ears off, or eyes rather, with my mumbo jumbo I guess I will head off. Again, feel free to add your own findings and techniques, I have no doubt they will be beneficial to all.
always,
jamie
Adding your comment:
her, followed by all sorts of other yummy things.
I believe that one should learn to accept the critique in a positive way. Be like the swan that stays in water yet doesn't get its feathers soaked or be like the rose that grows in mud but still is a rose. What I am trying to say is: Many poets quit writing because of someone's bad feedback on their poems. Now the feedback wasn't bad, they weren't able to handle it. It only says things like comments on rhyme scheme, alliteration, meter, and such things(poetic devices)...what I call the basic skeletal system of writing. One needs to have a solid foundation first and then march out with words. I feel no shame in reading the poems of those better than me. How else will I learn ? They have set a certain standard of writing and its like a benchmark for me. It gives me an idea of what is good poetry. Generally, all such poets are very helpful and kind. They are willing to share their knowledge. We must learn from them is what I sincerely feel and first invite them to critique the poem we write through an IM, and, then post it on AP. Of late, I have met some writers/poets who are accepting my critiques favourably and infact IM me a lot of poems to write a review on. This shows that they do accept critiques in a good taste. Hurtful critiques do no one any good and must be avoided at all costs. I have received a few of them but just let them pass like an angry dust storm without giving too much importance to the reviewer . I like one point you made: that of relating one's personal experience with the author of the poem being reviewed. That is an excellent one and it works like a magic charm. Quite often it helps because the author feels that the reader has stepped back in a moment where he was in the same situation as the author or where he can resonate very well with what is being said. I also agree that each of us is blessed with immense abilities as a writer and only need a guiding hand to show us the right way to tap into it. I would suggest one thing which always helps :- Do read up as many poems as you can on a certain form if you are into writing form poetry, be it sonnet, haiku, rictameter, triolet, lira, anything for that matter...read up as many as you can from well established poets. Ask around whose work is good, there are names you will get...there are few who are masters at the form they write. Example: myron for haiku, MaryK for sonnets, masterblaster for Egyptian mythology poems, etc. Read up as much as you can on their poetry and then try writing one of your own. Invite them to read your work. Read up classical poets on oldpoetry.com Be kind and genuine when you give a review. What goes around, comes around tenfold. Always remember that is what I will tell everyone. There are various teachers on AP of different forms of poetry. Look into their work. They will help, I'm sure. 
ourselves* for even having the courage to do so....and it does take courage to lay our work out to the masses , so all of you who write ( good or bad) be proud....you have gone one step beyond many
I do think sometimes that we're distracted and forced to hit the "Submit Comment" button by unseen forces 
