Candlelight Chaos• Show poetry

I have no poetry style. I write how I feel. Sometimes I'll be funny, sometimes I'll be inspirational, and A LOT of the time I write on my addiction of cutting.

If I have any pet peeves it's people who tell me how to change myself, how my writings are overplayed, that cutting is written about too much. Well here's to them F*CK YOU GUYS!!!!!!!! I write so I DON'T CUT!!! Simple as that, if you can't understand that, then take your degrading ugly comments elsewhere I don't want to hear about you!

For all others, here is an in depth look into our lives...

Imagine yourself under a lot of mental pain. Stuffing your angers, anxieties and other emotions deep inside of you, as we (the cutters) do. All this putting you in a state of severe depression, anxiousness or numbness.

Wanting to stop the numbness or release your emotions you grab a razor blade and start making several straight lines on your arm. This is what cutting is. Simply put, its a coping mechanism.

But wait, you may be thinking how could someone do this to themselves? The answer is quite simple. We cut to 'feel' pain when we feel 'numb' or to release our emotions that we stuff inside. Most of us also cut to see blood, the sight of blood makes us feel 'alive' again. We refer to ourselves as SIers (SI=Self Injury) or cutters and we use the terms 'SI' or cut as verbs. For example: "I feel like cutting (SIing) today," or "How many times did you cut (SI) today?"

Now you ask why would someone want to harm themselves? Cutting in theory is no different then smoking, drinking, or doing drugs. These three activities have 2 things in common: they are all self harming and very addictive. Cutting too fits these two criteria but differs in the sense that it's viewed as a taboo subject. Because of this stigma we are viewed as being 'freaks' or mentally insane by the ignorant. We simply are normal people going through tremendous stress and pain. Cutting takes or minds off the pain we feel, and calms us when we think were losing control of our selves.

There are several misconceptions related to cutting. One very common one is that we're suicidal. We cut because we like the way it makes us 'feel', not because we want to end our lives. If anything, cutting makes us want to live another day. This aspect of cutting is too difficult for non-cutters to understand. Another misconception, as mentioned earlier, is that we're insane; this too is not true. People may also think cutters do it for attention, but we are not looking for attention, at least not in that way. Besides, would you harm yourself, just to get attention? Next, others believe it's Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). But cutting is non-diagnoseable, it is a way of coping with inexpressible feelings and emotions. Finally others believe cutting is an act of masochism. We are already in severe mental pain (or feel numb because of it) so then why would people believe we like to feel pain?

Cutting effects people of all ages, races, and genders. In fact, you may know a cutter and not even know it because we're also good hiders. When we cut we usually do it alone, usually in isolation. We may get the urge to cut once a month or several times a day. For most of us this is usually directly related to how depressed, numb, or anxious we feel at that time. The more depressed, numb or, anxious we feel the higher the urge to cut.

We refer to our 'tools' as weapons and we may use anything sharp to cut with although most of us prefer razor blades or scissors, and in a pinch we'll even improvise. Finally some of us even carry a razor blade or other weapon on ourselves, just in case the urge hits us.

Do you suspect or know someone who is a cutter? If so here are some things you can do to help. First ask them, Did you, or are you thinking about hurting your self? (Its ok to ask.) Second, never ask to see the injuries, or point them out if they are visible. This may increase their feelings of low self-esteem and self hate. (Most cutters still feel low after cutting.) If their injuries require medical attention they will let you know. Third talk to them. Let them know that you're there for them. Comfort them. Ask if you can do anything for them. By talking to them they can release their feelings in a much healthier way. Finally never say any remarks like "Think you're the only one with problems?" or, "Snap out of it, its all in your mind." Remarks like these may upset the cutter in their time of need.


Alright, enough of that, I love to write though, I love to express myself! Enjoy, and please comment.




stare into my eyes
tell me what you see
do you see a little girl?
do you hear my silent plea?

can you see all the things
that life has put me through
I wish you would understand
that everything I write is true

I'm not doing it for attention
I'm not playing pretend
I don't have anyone turn to
my pencil's my only friend

no one answers my prayers
no one wishes me well
I'm still just a child
but my life has been such hell







Betrayed again,
By so called friends.
Said they’d be there,
Until the end.
Instead left out,
Them versus me.
I cannot win,
That I now see.
I treat them well,
I give myself.
I’m pushed away,
Put on the shelf.
I’ve given up,
It’s time to quit.
I’m a square peg,
I just don’t fit.