BrokenDownChevrolet• Show poetry

My name is Matilda.
I'm an up and down.
Happy then suddenly suicidal.
Ready to wait out eternity then instastly rash and hasty.
I am trying to live a good life and trying cultivate my talents. I'm trying to remain optimistic. And I am trying remain unaffiliated with any religion.
I love music, art of all kinds, living things, dead things, and the essence of life.
I started writing poetry in October of 2007,
lately I haven't put out much good material,
but I'll be posting up many of my old ones and hopefully I can come up with some new pieces soon.
Sometimes you just can't write you know?
I mainly focus around rhyme and assonance in my style.
I try to pay close attention to the number of syllables too.
Some of my poems were tediously and painstakingly written to hold their flow.
Others are much more loose.
I hope they are enjoyed.


Oh and I have a wonderful AP sista I call Kaelakins!
http://allpoetry.com/Beautifully-Bound

UPDATE ON ME
For anyone that cares, I've decided I can't write poetry anymore (if I ever could) and other than maybe putting up some more old poems of mine, it is very unlikely I'll put anything new up.
I've decided to turn my back on everything,
creative and logical. I've decided to do what ever feels right at the time and I'm not expecting anything to turn out.
I am certain that there is no life after this one, so I am not going to waste it with suicide. However I doubt I will accomplish anything and have resided to simply do as I please and hopefully that will be enough to please me.

Of course no one really cares enough to read this, my poems are shoddy so there's little draw to my page.
Anyone sitting reading this is most likely wondering why there are wasting their time, and couldn't possibly care any less about the fact that I've fallen into a directionless life.
Nonetheless I type these words to keep my own spirits up, believing it will inform someone out there that I'm distraught and for brief moment they might border on caring, and believing that that may happen is enough to get me through this moment, and it feels right so I've gone and done it and for this moment that's all that matters.

Not that anyone will actually read this.

Yet another update on me (june 30 2008):
I'm going to Colorado for the summer, I don't really have a choice, I'll be staying with my dad and a friend of his who is a composer. I'm hoping I can get better at music because I think I suck but at the same time its the only thing I care about.
I'm trying really hard to be anorexic so I can be 125 pounds like everyone else I know. I'm too lazy to actually give up eating, and I have no gag reflex so bullemia is out. I've quit cutting, again. I really want to cut again. I want to try coke, my friends have some, I hate weed. It does nothing for me except make me paranoid.
I wish that I could be talented, at something besides talking other people out of killing themselves, when I'm done being helpful I just feel like dirt and want to die.
As usual I'm wishing I was bold enough to kill myself. I've made it this long without even trying, I doubt that will ever change.
I have a question for anyone who feel like answering:
(here I'll put it in big letters)
Is it better to become a drug addict to relieve your pain so you can keep living, or to just kill yourself so you don't have to depend on something to keep going?