BleedingKittii• Show poetry

" A picture can say 1000 words but it can also inspire you to write 1000 more. " Jason Mraz


'Ello! Thank you for taking the time to visit the profile of the poet behind the words. For your viewing pleasure I shall give you an overview of important things you might like to know, to better understand the workings of my mind and any inspirations I may have for my poetry. If you like to delve into that psychy and know, then continue reading....if not, you can skip over this little autobiography and view my other poems or the interesting tidbits I shall post beneath!

*Mini Autobiography*
Let's start, shall we? My name, is Heather Marie. I was born in Peoria, Illinois to a middle class/slightly lower class family. A lot of my childhood was under the care of my grandparents, but when I was with my parents I was either in a tiny apartment, or in a trailer park. My father ended up moving into an apartment and my mother and I moved in full time with my grandparents. A couple of months/years later, when I was 4 or 5 years old, my father put me in the car after a daily visit and bluntly told my mother that he wanted a divorce.
My grandparents moved my mother and I down to Florida with them after the breakup. Over the years it was revealed to me that my mother and my grandmother were both bi-polar. Along with the mental disorder, my grandmother was diabetic, highly religious, and during the last couple years of her life, developed a bad case of Alzheimers. And she took all of it out on me. She called me a skank, a demon, someone not worthy of being under her roof. She would throw my clothes out of the house if I didn't clean my room, and scream at me to pay rent...I was about 13 at this time. My grandpapa was protective of me, but loved grandma very much, and let her get away with more than she should, because of her illnesses.
My aunt and uncle put up a custody struggle with me, because they claimed with my grandparent's age, they could not raise me. My mother had moved out, and moved in with her new husband....who was also bi-polar. No one knew what to do with me. I ended up running away a couple times, but I always came back to grandpapa.
My grandmother died, and her tyranny ended, with a funeral scheduled on my 17th birthday. My relationship with my mother strained by her visits to David Laurence for suicide attempts, and by her mind still stuck on me being 5 years old. My grandpapa grew weaker, and without his strength to stand up for me, my aunt and uncle took advantage and tried to force me into their ideals of how a teenager should act. It did not matter to them that I was Salutatorian, or that I'd never gotten in trouble before. They were convinced that I was useless because I didn't have a job or a driver's license. It hadn't mattered to them that I had suffered through operations on my back because I was born with Spina Bifida...all they saw was that I wasn't outside, playing sports. They would not care that I had fainting spells and deep bouts of depression when I had started high school. And despite it all I had awards and a small group of close friends. They saw me...without anything worth a damn in the real world. They saw someone who wasn't popular...therefore having no real connection.
And when my grandpapa was moved into an assisted living facility...I was shoved out of the house.
Thankfully, I had developed a strong net of friends and family with no blood ties. I moved into my friends' den, then into the bedroom of another, and now I'm set on my feet with an apartment of my own and a full time job. I'm exploring my possibilities to their fullest. I am alive. And while I have horrible memories of my past, I still have some treasured ones.
Though, because of my less than perfect lifestyle, even with my optimistic view of life in general, some of the feelings are still there. I escape from the pain, and release my tensions through my poetry. Therefore a lot of my poems turn out to be dark and angsty. Even though a lot of the experiences in the poems are not personal, it's the challenge of channeling anything negative into words that others can read and interpret and relate.


*The Meaning Behind The Name*
My English teacher expressed some worry over my choice in pennames on this site. So, here is the explanation. Kittii is my nickname. In fact, I sign most of my comments with the name. Now, the reason that I am BleedingKittii....is because blood is vital to our existance...in the same way that poetry and expressing my feelings is vital to my existance. And to share these words and emotions with you, and for me to find contentment within myself, I must bleed.


*Some Of My Heros*
-My grandfather: For being the pillar of strength throughout my childhood, and for being my support and the pushing force that compells me to do my best for the future.
-Logan: My high school and my AP Daddy. A joke taken to epic proportions has left me with this delightful father. He has taken care of me and talked me through some of my toughest times. Who cares if he's younger than me, when he makes me feel safe, cherished, and loved like any daughter would dream of their idolized father.
-Kyle: My ex-boyfriend, my long-time friend and adopted older brother. His family has taken me in and welcomed me through all crisises, however much I may tease or badmouth this guy he will always be a cherished guy within my heart. We've been through so much and he's still there no matter how many times I might've pushed him away. The love I feel for him will never diminish.
-Bryan: Another ex-boyfriend who means too much to be forgotten. My love for this boy can not be taken away no matter how many times he has left me hanging. He has fought addictions and bad surroundings and though he claims he's not worth the praise I cannot think of why I should not cherish and admire the things he has done. Though rough around the edges he was the sweetest guy and had a very open heart. He is careful to protect me and yet very vulnerable.
-Davey: My current boyfriend and my future fiance. His mother raised him to be a true gentleman and that's exactly what he is. He stayed by my bedside for a whole week while I was in the hospital. I've never met someone so sweet, loyal, and so full of love to do whatever needs to be done to make sure the one they care about is ok.


*AP Family*
-Dark Doctor Psy: My AP/HS Daddy. The most caring and awesome guy in the whole entire universe. I love you Logan!



*My Phobias*
-Claustrophobia: The fear of being in crowded or closed spaces
-Schelerophobia: The fear of being harmed by wicked people
-......ophobia: The fear of being left alone, having all the people I know being killed or abandoning me. Not alone like...in a house.


*My Favorites*
-Color: Black, Neon Green, Purple, and Hot Pink
-Movie Genre: Horror, Comedy
-Novel Genre: Romance, Science fiction, Manga
-Music Genre: A little bit of EVERYTHING
-Subjects: Science and the Arts


*Honorable Mentions*
-"Cruel Kindness"
-"Salted Pain"
-"My Angel"
-"Captured Feeling"