Barry Hodges• Show poetry

Firstly, Barry Hodges is my real name as I don't agree with hiding behind silly fake names. I am British and very proud of it and I hate people who knock Britain or any other nice country (unless they deserve it, of course) as we should be proud of our national identities (provided they are worthwhile, which of course eliminates many). To be more specific I am English, from Newcastle-upon-Tyne, so I am a Geordie.

I served in the British Army for nearly twenty years and rose to be a Sergeant-Major. I liked the Army life and think that all young men should be obliged to do National Service as it will make a man of them and it teaches them a bit about brutality and how to damage people terminally. I made some great friends in the Army (but a lot got massacred) and was sorry I had to leave but I got too old to be able to maintain my cruelty and savagery. After leaving the Army I opened a greengrocer's shop in Gosforth, specialising in potatoes, but I am now semi-retired with a vegetable patch and I enjoy watching horror films on TV.

I am definitely a Conservative with a capital C (that's C as in Cock). Some stupid people have called me a fascist and even a Nazi (until I gave them a good old English black eye) because I believe in Britain for the British and because I don't want a load of illegal immigrants flooding in. If people come to this country to make a better life for themselves I do not mind, but they have to work hard, and maybe do the filthy low-paid jobs the British don't want (or are too thick to do, thanks to the lefties running the educational system these days), but they have to learn English, they have to fit in with our way of life and not wear turbans or veils or dress like freaks or go grovelling to graven images or vote Labour either.

I really don't see why Arab women can't show their faces. A few of them are quite good looking and I like a pretty face on a woman (who would want an ugly one?). My late wife was very good looking - in fact too good looking as I found out with other men running after her, and one or two caught up with her, which I took a very dim view of. I dealt with the situation quite violently and they ran off like scared rabbits to lick their wounds and skulk in their flea-infested hovels. I am NOT racist as some of my best friends in the Army were blacks and a braver bunch of men I never met, they were totally fearless. You would not believe some of the things I have seen black soldiers do; there many an Argentinian widow about the place who can testify to that, with a tear in her eye, recalling the staggeringly vicious doom of her late hubby.

Because of some of the things I saw in the Army I do not believe in God - there can't be a God if he allows things like that to happen, especially the bits with machetes and power drills. But I don't greatly disrespect people who do believe as Christianity teaches a lot of good things about honesty and crime and savage punishment for oiks. But it is still drivel, as anyone with a brain could see.

Although I am from an upper working class background I had a good education and I do not approve of people who write bad English. It is the best language in the world and you should be proud of it. I hate people who use "internet" slang and who think that is clever, so if you send me any messages, write in decent English please, or else you will be sorry when I tell you off in no uncertain terms. In my day, boys had to sit an exam at age 11 (the 11+) and the clever ones went to a good grammar school and the thick and gormless ones went to a secondary school where you wouldn't learn much but at least there was a bit of strict discipline and you learned your place at the bottom rung of society. I strongly approve of corporal punishment, especially for these junkie hoodies and muggers. A bloody good flogging would teach them a lesson and I'd be happy enough to dole one out. In fact I have done just that occasionally. A black eye is an excellent lesson in manners. Or a broken nose.

In my opinion, Maggie Thatcher was the best Prime Minister the UK has ever had; even though she was only a woman, she was a damn sight better than most men. She taught the filthy communists in the trade unions a lesson and now the trade unions are up sh*t creek without a paddle and a jolly good job too! I have no time for Tony Blair, Gordon Brown and their champagne socialist hangers-ons, they have brought Britain down to the level of a poodle to the Americans. Although I naturally support our brave and intrepid British troops in Afganistan and Iraq, they ought not to be there fighting for the American oilmen's financial interests in the first place. Hundreds of decent British men (and a few women) are being killed for American oil supplies! And Britain isn't getting a fair share of the spoils either. And will things get any better with Obama, who knows?

I am in favour of capital punishment for murderers, rapists and paedophiles (and I'd reserve a nasty form of it for the latter, something with boiling oil in it, or maybe the rack followed by hanging, drawing and quartering in public). But you need to be sure the criminals are guilty as it would be terrible to hang an innocent man (or woman). It was only because a couple of innocent people got hanged that the abolitionists got their way. British justice is the best in the world but you have to be really sure of someone's guilt before you top him (or her - women can be hanged too, I approve of that, I'd pull the rope if asked). I would also have public executions if necessary as it would teach criminals a lesson and would be profitable too - you could screen them on peak time on the telly and make a mint; just think of the possibilities. And savage public floggings for yobs, instead of stupid Asbos which just provide jobs for Social Workers who live off the rest of us. Bring back the birch, is what I say! Or the cat o' nine tails.

So I'm a straightforward sort of chap and I will take no disrespect or cheek or insubordination from people, although I am willing to have a good argument and discussion with someone who doesn't agree with me as long as they are respectful and polite, and do not get lippy to me. So please remember that if you contact me! If not, don't bother, as you will get an earful you will not easily forget.

You will probably wonder why an ex-Sergeant-Major is writing poetry! Well, I liked English at school and liked poetry specially. Although it is nearly 50 years ago now, I remember that a couple of lads pulled my leg because I was always spouting poetry but they soon found out it was a bad idea to call me a pansy because of it when I smashed both of them in the face with a brick! I nearly got the sack from school on account of that, but the Head Master saw my point of view, as he was an ardent wielder of the cane, and loved to give troublemaking little sods a damned good thrashing.

Most of my poetry is about my extensive worldwide travels and the terrible tragedies I have observed - I have a great sequence of poems about how most of my family and mistresses have died in horrid agony. I also sometimes write what I think are quite funny poems.  

IF YOU THINK ANY OF THAT IS TRUE YOU MUST BE A BIT GULLIBLE.

~~~~~~~~ HO HO HO HO HO HO !!!! ~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~~~~~ IT'S JUST A PACK OF POMPOUS DRIVEL~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~HOPE YOU LIKED IT~~~~~~

[Not that I care a f*rt]

AND SO: UP YOURS & RULE BRITANNIA!