Angel-of-Pain• Show poetry

I am just a 16 year old teenager just getting my words out. I am me, there are no words to discribe who I am. Who I am differs from day to day, but the only thing that stays the same are my green eyes.

I was abused for as long as i can remeber and just stopped hurting myself not that long ago. I am not ashamded to admit it, nor am I looking for your pity.I just recently learnt to smile again, thanks to my boyfriend Micheal. Who has accepts and understands that I get confused and feel the pull to give up and stop trying. But he is always there, just pushing me along, and not only opening doors for me, but showing me HOW to open that simple stupid door. He accepts me for who I am, and loves me just the same, and that scares me beyoun belief. We have problems, we are a pretty messed up couple, but we are strong for what life has put us through and can deal with whatever life decides to throw at us this time.

I hate being in a large group waundering around and around in a school somewhere, but with my two great friends Jocelyn and Aubrey (and Amzy and Kate/David)and a period of time, and we will be the group having wicked fun. They will always be close to me, and i will kick anyones ass who says a wrong word about them. *smiles politely*

There are many stories and meanings to my poems, most of them will probly not make much sense to you guys, but it never was ment to be for you.

I love dancing in the rain, singing when nobody can hear me and randomly drawing and painting (even though I do not think I am very good at it). My favorite time of the year is Sunset on a summers day..where it is not too warm and just getting nights cold nip. Either that or when there is a raging lighting and thunder storm...I love running outside to look as nature rips across the sky...its so powerful and unstoppable..just a great wonder of the earth.

hmm..I am very paraniod(sp)..dont like the little space under beds, hate closets, will not sleep without my feet covered and all tucked in, like to be able to see every part of my room. (every corner, everything, soo my room is very little and spaced out in dressers and book cases etc) I am afraid of the dark and dark water where I cannot see the ground. (or if I cannot see the whole bottom) I HATE summer in gerenal..wayyy to warm. And..I use too much caution when doing something, but yet when I know nothing will hurt me, I use no caution...kinda F***ed up that way..

I love percings, love the look and feel, just love to be creative. I already have one tatoo I got for my 16th birthday, of Japanese writing of "control". Now let me explain what many people get the message mixed up horribly. The "control" is over NOBODY but me. Over my emotions, my thoughts, my reactions, everything. Its like a reminder to me that I cannot just let myself go again, and to be strong. Many people think that I mean to control others and well sorry people, I aint so much into the "dominating" others. Much rather be on the other end. Or right in between.

Anyways, I plan to get dark angel wings covering most of my back with a gothic cross in the top middle. A misty blue butterfly on the back of my neck and a a tribal tiger with a torn light pink butterfly in the middle of my back. The japanese writing is on my lower back where many call the "tramp stamp" and I know for sure I aint no freaking tramp. Hell I am less of a tramp than those B****es that call me one...anyhooo..for my 18th birthday I am getting myself Japanese oriantly (sp)) going from the bottom of my bust on my left side down just past the pantie line. I got it basically all planned out. Now only time and ALOT of money will will affect it. I have had these plans for...over a year and a half and it has changed veyr little..namely just details on how I want it to look etc.

Family means a lot to me..one of the most important things in my life, even though I do not have much of one. The other things are tradition, love, acceptence, respondsabilty and respect. I try very hard to make sure everything is in balance, other wise it feels like my whole life has been flipped upside down and shaken all to the ground.